Has God ever illustrated a spiritual principle to you through your children? I think that’s one of the reasons He loans those kids to us. Maybe that’s why He gave Tim and me four – we needed to learn a lot of lessons. Kids are one of God’s visual aids in our lives and God used our daughter Shiloh to show me the power of my words one afternoon in my kitchen.

It was the beginning of lacrosse season and Shiloh was commenting on how out of shape she was and how frustrated she was, as the team captain, with her performance at practice that day. This is where I proceeded to put not one, but both feet, in my mouth. I said something like, “Yeah, Shiloh, I saw you dropping the ball out there. It looked like you were having a hard time keeping a hold of anything today.”

Shiloh finished her snack and went upstairs and that’s when the Holy Spirit convicted me. I realized my words that so easily slipped out were not the words that she needed to hear. Shiloh didn’t need another critic, she needed a cheerleader. She had been on the edge of despair at practice, knowing that she wasn’t doing her best and she had rushed home, needing to have some assurance that it was just a bad day – that she wasn’t a bad player. I chose to join the crowd of detractors. I realized that I was the one who failed that day. I went upstairs and found her crying. She told me that she knew she was dropping the ball. What she needed was someone to tell her that she could catch it.
She needed words of belief, words of help and words of affirmation. Our kids have people telling them how they’re not measuring up all day long. They need to know that there is one person (us) that they can count on to believe in them, to support them, to love them no matter how they perform.

“Shiloh, please forgive me. I had no right to say that. I love watching you play. I am so proud of the way your team looks up to you and follows your leadership. Please forgive me. I am very sorry and I love you so much.” Just another set of words strung together, but exactly what she needed to hear. Her face transformed into a smile and she gave me a hug.

God used that instance to remind me of the power of supportive words and also the power of asking for forgiveness when I’ve blown it. After her season started, Tim and I were sitting in the stands watching her team play and one of the parents leaned over to us and said, “Congratulations on Shiloh. You must be very proud”. Well, of course, we’re proud of Shiloh for lots of reasons but asked if there was something specific he was referring to. He said yes, that according to the official stats at that point in the season, Shiloh was the number one girl’s high school lacrosse player in Arizona. That year, she led the state in hat tricks and points scored. The next year was her senior year and, in a deliberate effort to hand her position of leadership over to the younger players, she decided to let them score and she led the state in assists.

I’m convinced that had I not replaced my words of criticism with words of belief, help and affirmation, her stats may have been very different. Just a few words, but oh so powerful!

Here’s to the power of positive words and eating lots of crow,

Love, Darcy

One of the many cool things about being a grandparent is that you get to relive some of the more exciting parts of parenting. Tim and I recently took our two granddaughters to Disneyland for a few days. This was their Christmas gift from us and we decided to take them during their spring break. Unfortunately, a lot of other people decided to come to Disneyland on their spring breaks. How dare them!

At times, we felt like salmon swimming upstream, but even with the crowds, we had a fabulous time. With the girls being 10 and 8, there were no strollers to manhandle, no one to pick up and carry, only a reasonable number of bathroom stops and both of them were tall enough to go on all the rides. Which we did – utilizing the fast pass system for the most popular rides that had a three hour long waiting line!

As we were doing our best to have all the fun we could squeeze into those few days, we noticed that wasn’t the case with some of the other mouseketeers. In fact, there were some very unhappy people at the “happiest place on earth”. You’ve got to chalk some of the discontent up to fatigue, long lines and heat, but as we “people watched”, we determined that it wouldn’t matter how many treats, souvenirs or rides some of these kids got to experience, they were still determined to demand more.

Even our granddaughters stopped and stared at some of the battles that were going on between an indulgent parent and a whiny child. Knowing how much this experience was costing the parents, I wondered if the thought crossed their minds that they could have had the same “fun” at home for nothing.

But rather than stand in judgment of those ungrateful kids and their baffled parents – hey we’ve all been there and done that – it reminded me that I’m often that way with God. He lavishes me with His love, His grace and His favor, and I choose to focus on what I don’t have instead of what I do have. And talk about expensive! The cost of His blessings for me is immeasurable.

Our trip to Disneyland, besides being a special memory with our granddaughters, reminded me that I want to choose contentment over comparison and gratitude over greed. Hopefully, I’m learning that the happiest place on earth for me is right where God has me, within His perfect will. After all, contentment is the seed of gratitude.

Here’s to livin’ it up in Cars Land and keeping it down on the Tea Cups,

Love, Darcy

Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord. Luke 19:38

As Easter approaches, we are coming to a most holy time of year. If Christmas is the bow and wrappings of our faith then Easter is what’s inside the package.

Somehow though, Easter doesn’t get the same billing as Christmas. Yes, Easter has its own super character, its own candy line and retailers depend upon it for a boost to their monthly sales total. But the celebration of Christmas has become its own season, demanding our attention from Black Friday to New Years Day. And if bottom lines are really the bottom line, Christmas wins as far as the number one holiday celebrated here in the western world.

That’s why we as parents must be deliberate in giving this holy holiday special significance in our own hearts and in our homes. For me, it’s a time of contemplation and humility as I’m reminded of the incredible sacrifice the Heavenly Father was willing to make on my behalf.  Reading the scriptures, singing worship songs, and taking communion have renewed significance as I remember the life that was given to pay for my sins. There is a humble gratefulness and sweet intimacy that is revived this time of year.

As we were raising our children, Tim and I wanted our kids to realize the significance of Easter and as much as possible, according to their age, we wanted them to understand the true Easter story. So in addition to bonnets, baskets and new clothes, our family did some things throughout the years to help us celebrate the significance of this resurrection Sunday.

When our kids were growing up, we collected age appropriate books that told the Easter story in traditional as well as innovative ways. As we approached Easter, I took these books off the shelf and put them in a handy basket to read to them. Some of the books were interactive and one even had an Easter play that we acted out as a family.

In the weeks leading up to Easter, our church faithfully supplied stories, crafts, activities and wonderful music for our kids. One of our favorite crafts that we used year after year was an egg carton full of plastic eggs. Each egg was filled with an object that told part of the Easter story. Palm leaves, fur for the donkey, bitter herbs for the Passover, thorns, nails, cloth for Christ’s robe, toothpicks made into a cross… etc. to make eleven eggs. The most important egg though was the twelfth egg – the empty one signifying the empty tomb.

We would use these twelve eggs like the advent calendar and end up opening the empty egg on Easter morning. Our children loved to take turns selecting an egg and telling the significance of its content. It helped to make it real to them. At that time, we made our own resurrection eggs (and you can also make your own by following this tutorial), but if you aren’t that crafty or just want an easier way to do the same thing, Family Life now has these very cool and well made Resurrection Eggs Our children use them now with their kids and our grandchildren love them.

By far, the annual activity that had the most lasting impression on each of us was watching the Jesus Movie the night before Easter. If you don’t own a copy of this excellent portrayal of Christ’s life, I highly recommend that you buy one. We watched it year after year and it really brought Christ’s sacrifice and his victory over death into our hearts and minds in a lasting way. After watching the movie, one of us led the family in a sweet time of communion. It was a special evening for our family and a creative way to make sure that none of us bit into our chocolate bunnies on Easter morning without realizing what we were really celebrating.

The greatest and most sobering responsibility that we as parents have is to point our children to the cross. Easter provides many ripe opportunities. Carpe Cadbury! (Seize the eggs)

Here’s to Remembering the Resurrection and Rejoicing in Easter,

Love, Darcy

Mothers manufacture a lot of guilt, especially when it comes to making sure their kids are prepared to face the big, scary world. I experienced this a lot as my kids were getting ready to leave the nest. I would go through a mental checklist. Did they know how to:

Handle a credit card

Wash their own clothes

Make Ramen Noodles and Macaroni and Cheese

Change a tire or call a tow truck

Write a thank you note or email

Etc, Etc.

With my girls, I also thought they should know how to sew – at least enough to keep ahead of loose buttons and ripped hems. But on this one, they really weren’t very interested in learning. Until…it made sense within their own world and then they taught themselves. Our youngest daughter acquired the skill when her best friend was going on a mission’s trip to Africa and could only wear long skirts. Shiloh’s labor of love resulted in 4 or 5 colorful, flowing skirts for her special friend.

Our oldest daughter saw the light of Singer when she was a young bride and needed curtains and crib bedding for their new baby on the way. Now they both sew circles around me. Karis made beautiful matching quilts for their two girls this Christmas and Shiloh regularly sews stunning purses that are sold to support a ministry for young girls who just need an extra boost.

Although I could have beaten myself up for missing the chance to teach my girls how to sew before they left home, somewhere along the way, they learned how to love and serve  their families and give to those who just need a little added help.

It’s a good reminder to keep the main things the main things. When we concentrate on our kids’ hearts, sure we might fail to imbue some of our checklist items, but we teach the life and love skills that make a difference in God’s Kingdom. Whether they learn how to thread a bobbin or not.

Here’s to zig zag living and seamless love,

Love,

Darcy

Does the thought of having people over give you hives? Do you start a panic attack when you envision an event at your home?

Hold the cortisone cream and take a deep breath. Help is on the way. With these three easy steps, I’ll have you channeling Martha Stewart and looking better than she ever did in an apron.

1. Keep the goal of the evening/event in mind. You want to provide a welcoming respite and a bit of encouragement to your guests. When you remember why you’re going to all this trouble to go out of your comfort zone, you’ll maintain a better attitude as you navigate the unsightly piles of debris, Windex outages, and mismatched goblet collection.
2. KISS – Keep it simple sweetie. This is not the time to try one of those beautiful magazine cover extravaganzas. Stay with your signature entrée, tried and true, even if it’s a deboned Costco chicken with bagged salad and French bread. Simple means fewer things can go wrong. Add some flair by pulling out your cloth napkins, grandma’s dessert plates or that bottle of champagne you’ve had hanging out in the laundry room since 2008.
3. Keep the conversation tuned to your guests and make them the stars of the evening.  People are energized when they talk about themselves and it gets you off the hook for being clever and witty. Finish up by treating them to the most expensive ice cream and store bought cookies you can afford to buy.

These are the things that will stick in their minds as they walk out your front door thinking they have just been treated to a taste of five-star hospitality.

Is it any wonder that at the end of Paul’s Top Ten Ways to Show Love in Romans 12:  9-13, he reminds us:

“Always be eager to practice hospitality.”

Here’s to simple pleasures and contented company,

Love Darcy

DAY 28 : MISSION

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

- Ephesians 2:10 {ESV}

“What is my mission in life going to be?” This is one of three big questions that every parent has the privilege of helping their child answer. What is your child going to do with the God given gifts and resources God entrusts to them? You might have an inkling of what that mission in life might be even now or perhaps you have no idea what that child is going to grow up to do or be!

That’s OK because ultimately, that decision is one made in the heart of your child with the help of God. It’s our responsibility though to model to our child a life lived focused upwards toward God and outwards toward others. That way when they take on their mission in life, no matter what it is, they will be doing it for the benefit of others and for the glory of God. Lord, please help me live my daily life in such a way that I point my child toward a life that is lived for you and others.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Raising Kids for True Greatness

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This is Day 28 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

DAY 15 : HONESTY

“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

- Hebrews 4:14-16  {ESV}

No parent has to sit their child down on the couch and say, “OK, honey, today I’m going to teach you how to lie”. No, they are good at it right out of the blocks. The nuanced skill of a two year old to lay one on you is, quite frankly, admirable. Our job is to make them bad liars. To catch them every time and hold them accountable. In order to build the character trait of honesty into their hearts, we need to make telling the truth, even with the negative consequences, more attractive than telling a lie.

Teaching our children to be honest is the compassionate response of a loving parent because we know it will save them from the high cost of making bad choices in their relationships, their jobs and their walk with the Lord. Heavenly Father, please fill me with your grace toward my child to encourage them to come boldly for forgiveness when they mess up.

 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Grace Based Parenting

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This is Day 15 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

DAY 8 : ADMONISH

“…we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

- Hebrews 12:7 9, 11  {ESV}

Another one of the non-negotiable needs of a child’s heart is the need to know that they are significant – that they matter in life and that they make a difference. A parent assures them of that significance when they take the time and make the effort to admonish them. Our mid-course correction says to our child, “I love you enough to make sure you grow up to be a good person. That’s one of the ways you’ll make a difference in this world.”

The word admonish literally means to warn, urge or caution. What a great reminder that all of our correction must be done with the best interest of that child’s future in mind. When we graciously admonish our children so that their lives will be significant, we are loving them with grace! Lord, help me to keep you in mind as I guide my child to live a life that matters to you and others.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Grace Based Parenting

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This is Day 8 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

DAY 2 : ACCEPTED

“But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

- Romans 5:8 {ESV}

One of the non-negotiable needs of every child’s heart is the need for a secure love – the need to know they’re accepted no matter what. This is a job custom-made for parents who love their children more than they love themselves.  To assure them of our full-out secure love, we need to accept them when they’re cute or cranky, winsome or whiny, stellar or stubborn.

Accepting this child as God’s wonderful gift to us is different than accepting and condoning their bad behavior. But if they know we’ll love them no matter what, they will receive the discipline and consequences of their unacceptable behavior as another assurance of our secure love. Give thanks for God’s mercy in your own life that leads the way in extending that same acceptance to our child no matter what kind of a day they’re having.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

To find out more about giving your children a secure love, read Grace Based Parenting.

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This is Day 2 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

Whose ideas was it anyway to cram 365 days worth of glad tidings, good cheer, shopping, baking and entertaining into the month of December? Can we point the finger at Martha Stewart? Wal-Mart? Or people like us who love the holly jolly idea on paper?  Yes to all three. We all have some culpability in the overwhelming Christmas season that can sometimes get the best of us.

Here are a few things I need to remember to keep the crazies out of December and keep the fun, joy and meaning in the mix. They might strike a chord with you too.

1. Perfect isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.  In fact, most people don’t even like perfect. We like to see a little underbelly when it comes to our fellow holiday high achievers. There’s something freeing about knowing that you’re not the only one who puts all of the beautiful ornaments on the front of the tree and hangs the sentimental but sometimes lame ornaments on the back.  Other’s foibles and faux pas make us feel good about ourselves.
2. BYOB to the rescue.  Share the fun and the responsibility by saying “YES!!” when someone asks if they can bring something to your party or dinner. People love the chance to fix their favorite dessert or bring their traditional side dish to an event. It makes them feel useful and also gets them off the hook for the perfect hostess gift. (Who needs another box of candy anyway?)
3. Deal a blow to the comparison game. Am I the only one who comes home from a holiday party feeling like a yuletide yodeler because the expensive, professionally made wreath at the party makes my homemade front door wreath look like something I rescued out of the neighbor’s trash? Rather than dis my stuff or envy someone else’s things, I want to be thankful for what I have and enjoy what others have as well.
4. Make sure you stop and sip the cider.  Too often I realize at the end of a wonderful evening of entertaining, where I was able to use many of my love language expressions of acts of service, that while the house was inviting, the food delicious, and the guests all treated as special, I failed to actually experience all of this with my guests. I love to serve behind the scenes, but if I stay there, I miss out on the extraordinary privilege of valuing my guests and myself by taking some time to get to know them better and letting them get to know me better too.
5. Don’t forget the Baby in the manger.  My Jewish neighbors used to be so puzzled by all of the “fuss” we go to for Christmas. I think I get their point if this were just about presents and eating and decorations. In fact, it would appear very self indulgent because all of those things could just be for us. But as I told my neighbors, Christmas is a celebration of the most important event of all time. The babe in the manger grew up to be the Savior of the world. What a gift!!

Christmas is an all-out, no holds barred party that can go on all year long in our hearts and home. We just have to make sure we don’t overdo it on all the trimmings in our zeal to celebrate the birth of our Messiah. Do I hear a hearty Ho, Ho, Ho of agreement?

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.  God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”

- Galatians 4:4-6 NLT