As a parent, one of the things we should strive for is to protect our children’s hearts.  For me as a pastor, I am continually asking God to move my children forward in their faith, and to make it personal for them and not merely an extension of being a “preacher’s kid”.

There is a family we have been assisting as a church, who has a teenaged son battling cancer – we’ll call him “K”.  We are connected to him and his family through the school where we meet for church.  This morning, my youngest daughter Kenzie, who is 6, came to me with a handful of pennies – I was working at the computer trying to get some things done, and she said, “Dad…I want to give these to K’s mom today.”  I asked her why, and she replied, “Cause her son is having to have all those surgeries and stuff, and I want to help.”  My initial reaction was to tell her that a few pennies wasn’t going to help them with their medical debt – that it was just too large for a few pennies to make a difference.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit intervened before my thoughts reached my mouth…

You see, it wasn’t about the amount of money.  It was about Kenzie’s heart, and the giving spirit that the Holy Spirit continues to foster in her.  As I was about to respond to her, the Holy Spirit altered my thinking and reminded me that for her, this was about playing a part in a kingdom issue.  I looked at her and said, “I think that’s awesome Kenzie.  We’ll go a little early to school so you can give them to her!”  The beaming face in front of me confirmed to me the right words had poured from my mouth.

Before Kenzie went into school, I went ahead of her to let the mom know what was going on.  I didn’t want her to be caught off guard by this precocious 6 year old with a handful of pennies.  I wanted her to know why I was allowing Kenzie to do this – that we were seeing God change her heart daily into caring more for others than herself.

So parents, guard and protect your child’s heart.  There may be times they make a request of you to allow them to do something and it may seem insignificant to you, or seem like a request that doesn’t really have an impact on anything.  Before you say no, ask the Lord if this is a heart issue for your child…it just might be a memory they make that results in a life of service to the kingdom.

Shabazz Muhammad is a freshman basketball player at UCLA.  The Los Angeles Times recently ran a story about his path to college, and prospectively to the NBA, and how it was all neatly arranged and planned by his father, Ron Holmes.  How was this planned?  The details are to say the least, icky…

According to the report, Holmes was “fascinated” as a college student at USC by the careful breeding of thoroughbred horses for the purpose of creating faster, more powerful horses to race.  At the same time in his life Holmes, who was a 6’ 5” basketball player for USC, met a female college student named Faye Paige, who was a point guard, sprinter, and hurdler for Cal State Long Beach.  Holmes stated to a friend, “She’s going to be my wife, and we’re going to make some All-Americans.”  The couple had 3 children, and article states very clearly the intentions of the family unit – “Holmes has pinned most of his hopes on the middle child, Shabazz.”

Really?  There are people in the world who view marriage and family as a means to “produce All-Americans”, instead of seeking values of love, friendship, and family?  I suppose this story should not have shocked me as much as it has, but to be honest, I think it’s sickening.  This type of thinking is just one step shy of “master race” type thinking.  Family is not about creating the perfect one, and marriage is not about engineering perfect kids…what is described in the article is not marriage and family, it’s a business contract.  I have no idea how much “love” there is between Holmes and his wife/family, but regardless of how much he might say there is, the manner in which this family was formed speaks volumes as to the truth.

Can we please put the brakes on a culture that only values marriage and family in terms of what they can do for us?  Can we agree that picking your marriage partner based on how the 2 of you might genetically produce a child is disturbing?  Marriage and family is not about perfection, nor the return on the “investment”…this story should cause us all to take a second look at our own marriages and families, to insure we are not running the risk of sliding down this slippery slope.

I am a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings books and movies.  The movies do take on different meanings and scenes then the books do sometimes, but they are both enjoyable.  There is a scene in the 2^nd LOTR movie, The Two Towers, that speaks volumes to me about foster care and adoption.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story, it’s a classic good vs. evil type story.  In this particular scene one of the characters named Merry is trying to convince a group of supernatural creatures called the Ents to engage in the war of good and evil.  The Ents are trees, and the leader is named Treebeard.  Treebeard comes to Merry and his companion, Pippen, and tells him the Ents have decided not to engage in the battle.  Merry is outraged at the decision, and asks why, and Treebeard answers, “This is not our war.”  Merry’s response is simple, and powerful – “But you’re part of this world!”

When it comes to foster care and adoption, it is convenient to take the position of Treebeard.  We can safely state the “war” of foster care/adoption is not ours, and justify it by saying we’ve not been “called” to do so, or we’re not ready to do so, etc…but Merry’s response to Treebeard reminds us of a greater truth.  We ARE part of this world, and as such are seen by God as part of the solution to things like foster care/adoption.  Maybe it is not to foster or adopt, but maybe it is to use your financial blessings for those who are – maybe it is to use your ability as a counselor to develop support groups – maybe it is to utilize your business to engage in fundraising and awareness.  The reality is as agents of the kingdom of God, we are part of this world, and we are agents of change.  So many times I hear the phrase, “Not of this world” used by Christians, and I cringe.  This statement comes from Jesus’ prayer in John 17, verse 16 where he prays, “They (the disciples) are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.”  When understanding scripture however, context is everything, and in verse 15 Jesus does not ask that God “take them out of the world” but instead declares in verse 17 that just as Jesus was sent into the world, so he also has sent them into the world.  When we take too strong a grasp on the “not of this world” statement, we forget that indeed we are in this world to bring change, and the area of foster care/adoption is one of many areas that cries out for our response and involvement.  Jesus’ intent was never for us to be disengage from this world’s needs – his intent was to give us new life through him, so that we might be agents of new life for others.

Why foster and/or adopt?  Because we are part of this world…and this world needs us.

Interested in adoption or fostering a child? Attend Family Matters “Foster & Adoptive Parenting Conference” – Click HERE for more information.

My family jumped into the foster care arena in the spring of 2012.  After finishing classes, we waited until August to officially go on the list, and got placed almost immediately with a 4 day old boy.  We still have him, and have also fostered a newborn girl for a week, as well as another boy from birth to 7 weeks before he was placed with his siblings.

I’d like to tell you it has been easy.  I’d like to tell you that everyone involved will always tell you the truth.  I’d like to tell you that the system is all about the kids.  But I can’t.  To be honest, there are going to be times that you are going to question, “Why in the world does this mom get a 2^nd chance?”  There are going to be times that people are going to say things like, “We are for the best interest of the child”, and it’s going to be apparent to you that they are not thinking that way.  There are going to be times when friends and family are going to openly question you as to why you are doing this, particularly if you have children of your own.  You may even hear the question, “Don’t you care about your kids enough to not put them through this?”

It is not easy.  But do it anyway.  Why?  Because foster care, no matter how jacked up everyone else may seem about it, is never about you.  As the foster parent/family, it IS about the child…and as a follower of Christ, it’s about a higher calling.  Most Christians are familiar with James 1:27 – religion that is pure involves taking care of orphans and widows.  The reality is that for a season, sometimes short and sometimes long, these kids are orphans.  They need a good home.  They need a safe home.  They need a season of love, that only God can use 5, 10, 15 years down the road in their lives to remind them He is real.  It is not easy…but what about following God is?  Hebrews 11 lists a whole boatload of people whose lives were never easy, some even unto their death, yet they followed God with total abandonment of their own comfort.  Foster care is not easy – do it anyway.

Interested in adoption or fostering a child? Attend Family Matters “Foster & Adoptive Parenting Conference” – Click HERE for more information.

DAY 26 :SERVICE

 ”Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others.”

- Philippians 2:3-4 {ESV}

When my oldest daughter Katie was 5, I took her with our church group to serve in New Orleans.  2 years after Katrina had hit, areas of the city were still untouched.  Many people questioned my thought process, since New Orleans is such a “wicked” city, but I knew the possibility of positive influence on her from that trip would far outweigh the negative.  Now 11, Katie has recently returned from another trip with me, to San Pedro Sula Honduras this past December.

Making service a priority in your home starts with 2 things: 1) you must model it, and 2) you must intentionally place your children into situations where they can serve.  Don’t buy into the lie that they need to be 15, 20, or 25 to do so.  Kids naturally love others, and the early years are the most fertile to foster the attitude Philippians 2:3,4 speaks of.  Today, pray that God increase your eyes and ears to be made aware of service opportunities.  Maybe it begins with the neighbor across the street…maybe it begins with a trip.  However it begins, pray that God shows it clearly, and trust Him in the serving.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Raising Kids for True Greatness

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This is Day 26 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

DAY 16 : FORGIVENESS

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ”

- Ephesians 4:32  {ESV}

Forgiveness.  The very concept of forgiveness is the core of the faith.  God forgave us through Christ, not by our merit or works, but by His love.  When it comes to family and children, sometimes forgiveness seems elusive because we can quickly become bound up in measuring effort versus forgiveness.  As a pastor, one of the biggest areas I have seen this dwell in is in parents forgiving themselves, or each other.

No one expects you to be a perfect parent, not even God Himself.  However God does expect us to forgive our spouse, our kids, and even ourselves when we mess up.  Forgiveness is the safety net below the high wire of the family.  We can either cling to the high wire and not move, or we can walk step by step, knowing when we fall we are safe.  Today, pray that God expand your net of forgiveness in your family, starting with yourself.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Grace Based Parenting

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This is Day 16 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

]]> http://familymatters.net/blog/2013/01/16/31-days-of-prayer-for-your-children-day-16-forgiveness/feed/ 0 http://familymatters.net/blog/2013/01/10/31-days-of-prayer-for-your-children-day-10-preparation/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=31-days-of-prayer-for-your-children-day-10-preparation http://familymatters.net/blog/2013/01/10/31-days-of-prayer-for-your-children-day-10-preparation/#comments Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:00:44 +0000 Steve Rose http://familymatters.net/blog/?p=5650 DAY 10 : PREPARATION “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 {ESV} This verse is often used as a “promise” or guarantee verse among well-intentioned people.  Many parents over the years have dealt with the guilt of a wayward child [...]]]>

DAY 10 : PREPARATION

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

- Proverbs 22:6 {ESV}

This verse is often used as a “promise” or guarantee verse among well-intentioned people.  Many parents over the years have dealt with the guilt of a wayward child because they believed they did not train up the child in the right way.  The Proverbs though, are wisdom sayings, not guarantees.  A popular example from our day might be, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”  No one really believes if you eat an apple every day you’ll never go to the doctor – but it’s still a wise saying worthy of application.

While we have responsibility for training our children, let’s not forget that in life there are no guarantees.  We can only fully trust in God, and in His providence and passion for His children.  Today, pray that God empower you to train well, and that He also release you to fully trust Him when it comes to your children’s lives.

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 ~ Resource of the Day ~

Grace Based Parenting

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This is Day 10 of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children Challenge.

Please be sure to follow along this month as we encourage parents to be intentional about praying for their children. Read all of our 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children posts by clicking here.

We’ve also created a calendar (two color options) that you can download and print to keep at your desk, on your fridge or wherever you’ll see it and be reminded to pray.

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Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 1}

Click here to download 31 Days of Prayer for Your Children {Option 2}

I read a news story today concerning a recent arrest made in the Phoenix Valley.  2 girls, ages 14 and 18, were taken into custody after propositioning 2 men to exchange sexual favors for fast food.  As I read through the story, some familiar statistics repeated themselves.  The average age a girl enters prostitution in the Phoenix Valley is age 13.  Roughly 300 teenage girls are considered part of the sex slave industry in the Valley.  Some agencies speculate over 100,000 girls are involved in the industry nationwide, though that number is difficult to confirm as the rings are very good at moving around from city to city.

Part of the story discussed how girls are lured into the business.  It’s an old tactic, but still as effective as ever.  Young girls who are seeking love, any kind of love, are targeted by these predators.  The predators know what to look for; the emotions, the dress, the activity.  Once the hook is made, loving words and gifts are showered on the girl, until the moment it turns dark…the moment the predator moves from a loving companion to a demanding pimp.  At that point, the girl is caught in a web she cannot escape from, often fearing for her life and the life of her family if she leaves.

What does this have to do with parenting?  Everything, especially for parents of young girls.  We know as human beings we have a desire to be loved.  Many of us as adults can point to times in our own lives we sought to fill that desire by ineffective means.  For the young girl, the love of the father is crucial.  Though not true in every case, in a large number of situations the young girl falls prey to the male predator for he gives her what she wants, at least temporarily.  The affection, the attention, and the admiration wash over her like the waters of Niagara.  He fills a void made empty by the inattentive male presence in her life.

No one is perfect, least of all parents.  But you don’t have to be perfect to be loving.  In all my years of pastoral counseling, I’ve never had an adult say, “I really wish my dad would have spent more time at work.”  If we want to make a dent in the huge sex trafficking system that exists currently, there is lots of work to be done for sure…but don’t forget there is a generation that is not yet there; a generation who is still at home, yearning for a father’s touch, love, and support.  The best way to make a dent in the future is to respond to our daughters today.

Take a walk through most any bookstore, be it a Christian based store or a secular one, and you will see that parenting books are like opinions – everyone has one.  Some are full of great wisdom, and some are full of practical application, but seldom do the 2 mix in 1 work.  Grace Based Parenting is an exception to that norm, full of biblical wisdom and outstanding in the application of practically working it out in the family arena.

I first came across Grace Based Parenting nearly 6 years ago.  I was co-leading a small group for parents and was responsible for picking out the curriculum.  After literally pouring over books, and becoming very frustrated at the offerings, I picked up GBP.  I was struck by this phrase describing the book: “Dr. Kimmel offers a revolutionary concept that focuses on the model and guidance provided by God the Father.”  There are a lot of books that project biblical models of parenting, but this one was immediately different – a model based not just on scriptural guidelines, though there is nothing wrong with that, but based on the inter-personal dynamic relationship we all experience with the ultimate Father driven by grace, not rules.

Dr. Kimmel focuses on 2 sets of factors in this work, teaching that every child needs a secure love, a significant purpose, and a strong hope while giving them the freedom to be different, vulnerable, candid, and the room to make mistakes.  When a parent utilizes this resource as I did, focusing on how God meets those factors in my life, new horizons open up in the realm of parenting.  Suddenly, instead of focusing on rules I can focus on how those rules may hinder the conduit of grace instead of achieving “proper” results.  Making decisions as a parent “through the filter of God’s grace” releases the child from unreal expectations and releases the parent from placing overwhelming goals on their parenting style.  Automatically the inner spirit of the child and the intimacy of the child-parent relationship are elevated over simplistic behavior modification issues.

As a parent, I have read and re-read this book multiple times.  Once exposed to GBP it will not take long for a parent to be subtly reminded by the Holy Spirit of God when we cross over that line.  When I receive that gentle nudge of the Spirit, I open the book up again to renew the focus of godly parenting.  Though I am still not a perfect parent, and most likely never will be, I believe my children have been spared some heartaches due to the lessons learned and applied through GBP.  As a pastor of a new church less than 2 years old, the first parenting class we offer will be Grace Based Parenting…there is no need to start anywhere else.

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Grace Based Parenting

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Do you remember that kid in church?  You know the one – he knew all the big biblical answers in youth group, worked recreation every summer for VBS, and sang solo in the church youth choir.  All the little old ladies who sat in the back of the church sang his praises while all the younger ladies with daughters wanted him to be their future son-in-law.  Remember him?  Now, do you remember how he drank, cussed, and generally did anything he could get away with that was anti-God?  You probably don’t remember that, because he was really good at hiding his rebellion while keeping up appearances.

That kid was me.  A church pedigree a mile long, with a spiritual pedigree a half-inch deep.  I grew up in the church.  As one Christian comedian said; “When I was young I had a drug problem; my momma drug me to church and drug me back home afterwards.”  If the church had a kid event I was there.  As I got older, if the youth group was doing something I was there.  I played handbells – I helped build the singing Christmas tree – I took up the offering.  But I also knew where the best hiding places were in church to go kiss my girlfriend – I knew how to act dumb when my parent’s asked, “Are you sure there are going to be adults chaperoning this party?” – I knew what gas station would sell liquor to underage kids on Sunday nights after youth group.  I was a rebel with a cause.

I know I’m not the only one who has ever been this way.  The best I can remember, I wasn’t even the best one at doing it in my church!  In the history of mankind, kids of all ages have rebelled against authority, religion, and all sorts of seemingly oppressive entities.  It always strikes us as odd when a “Christian kid” does it though.  Somehow we take scriptures like, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) and assume the scripture means if we do all the right things as Christian parents then our kids will always be perfect.  In his book, Why Christian Kids Rebel – trading heartache for hope, Dr.Tim Kimmel helps a parent understand the difference between a child who is acting like the Prodigal Son, and a child who is simply stumbling along as he grows.  Dr. Kimmel helps parents navigate how to analyze the choices their kids are making, and assists in the parents’ response to those choices.

Dr. Kimmel examines 5 “types” of Christianity that can play a part in a child’s rebellion.  Compulsory Christianity – where a life with Christ is viewed as little more than a hobby; Cliché Christianity – where a life with Christ is filled with empty phrases, words, and beliefs that have no real power; Comfortable Christianity – where a life with Christ is filled with convenience; Cocoon Christianity – where a life with Christ is made up of everyone that looks like us, talks like us, and acts like us because we are fearful of everyone else; and finally, Compromised Christianity – where a life with Christ is characterized by parents who say one thing but compromise those beliefs with their actions.

These 5 “types” of Christianity can work together or singularly to spark rebellion in a child.  We know children are naturally rebellious, as part of their growing up – but these types of Christian lives have the capability to take that natural rebellion and explode it to life-altering levels.  Dr. Kimmel has given parents a tremendous resource here with Why Christian Kids Rebel.  As a church planter, pastor, and former youth pastor, I highly recommend it for parents who have kids of any age…the lessons you may learn about your children (and yourself) when they are young may save you and them heartache when they are older.

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Family Matters March Resource of the Month ::
Why Christian Kids Rebel

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