Ever since September 11th you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who questions whether or not evil exists. We have all seen its ugly face. We’ve calculated the exorbitant fees it demands from the innocent, and too many of us have had to bury its victims. But in spite of looking down the throat of Darkness, most people would still prefer to go through life without giving any regard to the One who overcame evil and pierced the heart of darkness.

Even with Jesus’ PR department-the church-and all of us ambassadors who claim Him as our Lord, the world would still rather try to make it on its own without Him. Part of the reason is obvious, even if it lacks long-term logic. Man has a propensity to want to rule his own life and determine his own fate. He’d rather delude himself with the false assumption that he is capable of making it through time on his own. And when his time is finally up, he’s confident he will be ushered into the hereafter on his numerous merits.

That’s why most people would prefer that God mind His own business, keep His distance, and leave them alone. They’d rather live each day without regard for the One who made that day. They’d rather face the challenges of the present without any help from the only One who can guarantee the future.

Vast numbers of the rank-and-file kick off each year with a celebration to their own self-confidence. They stay up too late, drink too much, and make a handful of empty promises to themselves that they’ll break within a few days, if not mere hours. They set new goals, review their strategies, and execute their plans. And then they slip through the months of the calendar doing their best to do their best.

Some go out of their way to ignore God. They decline our invitations to visit our churches. They offer up an uncomfortable laugh when we mention God in our conversations. They might even insult us should we invoke Jesus’ actual name. Some take their antagonism against God to formal levels and try to silence the voices of Christians at work or try to eliminate any mention of God within the public discourse. They show Him the exit just about any time He makes an appearance in our public school system.

And then along comes Christmas.

With all of the efforts to live life without Him, the average self-sufficient citizen of our country is forced to be surrounded by His presence everywhere he or she goes. Come the end of the year, Jesus grabs the limelight. And whenever He wants to, He steals the show. From our most crowded city to our most obscure village, Jesus makes His presence known. He sets up shop in the front yards of people’s houses and hangs the symbols of His mercy from the arms of our street lights. He draws strangers to His churches, He draws cynics to His nativity scenes, and He draws sinners to His heart.

Almost every store in the country decorates for His birthday. Obviously, Jesus is good for business. And it’s fair to assume that many of the merchants who throw out the red carpet for Him have ulterior motives. But there is absolutely no escaping the fact that when December roles around, the world is going to once again be reminded of how much God loves them…whether they want to be reminded or not.

Many innocuously refer to what comes over everyone during December as the “Spirit of Christmas.” The last act of every year consistently gets billed as the “season of giving.” But whether they want to admit it or not, every kind gesture that people offer, every gift they give, and every smile they return points to Jesus.
Christmas offers everyone a chance to rehearse what every person in the world will someday do. The scripture says “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow…and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord” (Philippians 2:10-11). Regardless of who you are or what you believe, Christmas has a way of causing everyone to take a peek back over their shoulders towards Bethlehem.

Of all the things that happen this time of the year, nothing seems to illustrate the overriding presence of Jesus better than the music that is played in His honor. It’s everywhere. True, it gets overdone on some stations. And the songs that embody the orthodox message of Jesus’ birth often have to share airtime with many seasonal songs that are silly, trite, or outright inane. But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t bother God since He has always had to compete with the foolishness of man. Regardless of how hard some may try, come this time of the year the airwaves, background tapes, and CD players of our nation surrender to the gospel according to Christmas.

Music carries more influence than any other component of the Christmas season. That’s because music not only wraps its arms around a person’s mind, but the heart and soul as well. It kneads a person’s stubbornness, tenderizes resolve and in the process slips a message into the inner being that is inescapable.

What is probably most amazing about the music of Christmas are the venues in which it is invited. Places that otherwise would want nothing to do with the redemption story of God simply turn up the volume when Christmas comes around. A person can be shopping at the mall, stopping by Home Depot to grab some supplies, or pulling up a chair in the corner of Starbucks to sip some hot eggnog and hear someone singing “Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the new born King.” A spiritual cynic might be pumping gas, making a bank deposit, or browsing the latest New Age offerings at Barnes and Noble and hear “Be near me Lord Jesus I ask thee to stay, close by me forever and love me I pray.”

We serve a dynamic Savior. He had the first word, He’ll have the last, and He will make His presence known whenever and wherever He chooses. No one can silence Him when He wants to share His message of hope. Whether it is intermingled with the sounds of a casino or slips in through the morphine-induced stupor of some lonely old man in the cancer ward at the VA Hospital, come Christmas, people in bad need of real hope are likely to hear “Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive her King.”

©Copyright 2012 Tim Kimmel

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you need God until God is all that you’ve got.

Case in point: I was speaking to a bunch of teenagers at a summer camp on the subject of maintaining moral purity in their dating lives. We had discussed how to avoid temptation and the importance of being willing to take a stand if pressured to compromise.

A girl came up to me afterward and told me about an evening she spent with a guy she had been dating for a few months. He supposedly shared her commitment to Christ as well as her high moral standards. But on this particular night as they drove through the countryside from her home to the town where they were to meet some friends, he suddenly pulled the car off the road and proceeded down a dirt path into the woods.

He didn’t waste any time letting her know what he wanted. And she didn’t waste any time telling him that not only was she not interested, but that their day and their dating relationship had come to an abrupt halt.

He wasn’t inclined to take no for an answer and began to overpower her and tug at her clothing. Her parents had warned her about date rape and had given instruction on how to avoid situations where she could be attacked. Fortunately, her parents had also anticipated just such a scenario as developed that night and had also given her a plan to cope with it. Her father had told her that sometimes she could take every precaution and a guy might still try something. If that ever happened, she had one other powerful weapon for protection. Her father’s words shouted from her heart as her “boyfriend” tore at her clothes: “If you ever find yourself in a predicament like that, PRAY. Ask God to send His angels to pull that guy off of you.”

Trembling with fear, she followed her father’s advice. She used this horrible challenge as an opportunity to trust God. She pleaded to Him for help.

She had barely whispered her prayer for rescue when they heard a loud “thump” on the hood of the car. They both jumped. He immediately sat up straight behind the wheel. The quiet and darkness of the woods added to the fear in his heart. On the other hand, this girl said at that moment she became overwhelmed with calm. She knew full well that whatever it was that caused that sound on the hood came because of her prayer.

When he finally got up enough guts to open the door and look around, he saw that part of a tree limb had fallen across his hood.

He came back into the front seat and began again to push for her to surrender sexually to him, although this time he was only using words. She refused. That’s when he said, “Either put out, or get out.”

It took a lot of courage. But she calmly replied, “I’m not going to have sex with you.”

At that point he reached across to the door handle, threw the door open, and pushed her out into the woods. As quickly as he did that, he pulled the door shut, locked it, started the car, and turned it around.

She pleaded for him to let her in and take her home, but the roar of the engine and his determination to leave her behind drowned out her pleas. Because of the woods, he couldn’t drive as fast as he wanted to, and she did her best to keep up with him on foot. But his tail lights pulled further away from her even though she ran as fast as she could.

She saw his brake lights go on, and then his car take a right turn onto the road. The woods grew instantly silent and black. But she didn’t feel alone. She felt God was with her and she kept going in the direction she last saw the taillights.

Her house was several miles to the left of where they came in, so she crossed the highway and began walking toward her home. Again she prayed. “Thanks for saving me from him, Lord. I’m still frightened, though. Please get me safely home.” Once again the prayer was barely spoken when she heard the sound of a car in the distance approaching from behind. It was headed in her direction but she didn’t know whether to run for cover or just keep walking.

The choice was made for her by the speed of the car. It had her in its headlights before she could duck into the shadows. She kept walking. The car slowed down as it approached her and came to a stop a few hundred feet ahead. Then it started backing up. She held her breath. A woman’s voice called out, “Can we offer you some help?” The voice sounded familiar. As the car finally pulled next to her, the people inside had turned on the interior lights so she could see them. It was her pastor and his wife returning from town. She thought she could almost see the angel opening the car door for her.

“What about the guy” I asked, as she finished her story.

That’s when this girl simply smiled and said, “His car had engine trouble not far from where he had exited the woods. He ended up walking several miles to town. From my best calculations, he started his walk about the time a terrible thunderstorm struck.

God may be the only person willing to stand by us when we’re forced to stand alone, but as this girl found out, one person and a sovereign God make a majority.

{Adapted from Homegrown Heroes by Tim Kimmel pp. 167-170.}

© Copyright 2005 Dr. Tim Kimmel and Family Matters®

I’d like you to meet two teenagers: Jerome and Claudia. If you were to try to evaluate their spiritual character by doing an external assessment of them, you wouldn’t be able to detect a lot of what is going on inside of them. In fact, it’s a standard mistake to assume that the outside of teenagers speak for their insides, especially when it comes to the spiritual condition of their hearts. Few things could be further from reality. Kids that don’t always pass the fundamental Christian inspection on the outside are often passionate lovers of Christ on the inside. In the same way, a kid that looks like her or she could be the poster child for an evangelical teenaged missionary could be all smoke and mirrors when it comes to his or her genuine attitude toward God.

That’s why Jerome and Claudia are hard reads when you are evaluating them on looks alone. For the record, they both look like normal, wholesome teenagers.

It’s when you follow them to the schools that their parents picked out for them that you see just how different they actually are. Let’s take Jerome first, since his life is the easiest one to look at. Jerome goes to a school that is known for its commitment to academic excellence. The thing that makes this high standard easier to achieve are the many fellow students that share Jerome’s commitment to good, hard, academic disciplines.

Jerome’s peers are respectful, poised, and determined when it comes to school. They work hard when they are at school and they put forth a great solo effort when it’s time to do homework. When they stop by Jerome’s house, his parents are always impressed by the depth of these kids’ characters. The greater benefit of these students in Jerome’s school is found in their attitude toward God. They love Him. It’s obvious in the way they treat each other as well as their teachers and administrators. They have an abiding confidence in the Scripture and they are deliberate about being the salt and light Jesus has called them to be in their academic world.

Then there’s Claudia. She goes to a school where so many of the kids act like they have giant chips on their shoulders. They carry a bad attitude toward their parents, their teachers, and many of their fellow students. They also have little regard for the efforts their school is putting forward to try to give them a decent education.

Claudia is promiscuous. She’s not only ventured extensively into the world of sex, but she knows how to party like a professional. So do the kids she hangs out with at school. She’s surrounded by a smug group of elitists who represent much of the “below the surface” attitude of many of her fellow students. They know how to play the system within their academic environment without incurring the full scale wrath of the administrators who are trying to maintain decorum.

So whose parents made the best choice, Jerome’s or Claudia’s? Which school would you want to send your teenager to?

The fact is, these two teenagers’ parents made the exact same choice. Both of these kids go to the same school. On top of that, it’s a Christian school. But lest you think this is an indictment against Christian schools, I could have written this scenario about different kids I know who are going to public school or two kids whose principal, vice principal, and teacher is their mother. The key to choosing the right school for your child has far more to do with your child than it does the school.

Does that mean it doesn’t matter where you send your child to school? Of course it matters, but it doesn’t carry nearly the weight when it comes to your child’s spiritual life as a lot of parents think. Does where you send your child to school determine how they develop spiritually? No. Influence? Yes. Determine? No.

The real determining factor is what is going on inside the heart of your child. Apart from their surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit, the greatest influence on your child’s heart is you, the parent.

So whether you teach your children at home or send them to a Christian or public school, these actions will not play the most important role when it comes to developing them spiritually. That role will be played by you. How? By creating a passionate, grace-based environment where they can see a genuine faith lived out in your home and heart – a heart that directly reflects the love of God. The more you play your role effectively, the more any of these educational options become a positive part of your children’s academic success.

© Copyright 2005 Dr. Tim Kimmel and Family Matters®

There are two people running around somewhere in the world that I’d like to throttle. The first is the guy who came up with the recipe for smores. The other is the bone head who decided to attach the word “deficit” to the diagnosis for kids who aren’t that interested in focusing on what’s in front of them at any given moment. You know, those children who aren’t always inclined towards paying attention in school.

Regarding the smores guy, I figure he never had children. You have to be just about out of your mind to hand young kids marshmallows and an unwrapped coat hanger and then tell them to go play with fire. We’ve spent many long nights trying to shampoo black encrusted marshmallow out of our daughters’ hair.

The ADD guy is on my list because he hasn’t lived inside the skin of one of these kids who has this so called “deficit.” In the first place, being able to concentrate on the task at hand—well, it’s highly over-rated. Distractions can be extremely fascinating. And even though focused attention is valuable in school, there were many times in my educational career when I’d rather have had my gums scraped and my eyebrows rotated than to pay attention to the monotony masquerading as education.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a big advocate of education. But I don’t think that the kids who “struggle” to pay attention are necessarily in deficit when it comes to intellectual horsepower. They simply have a hardwiring that runs counter to the way we educate kids today.

I know of what I speak. I could have been the poster child for Attention Deficit Disorder when I was in school. With one of my legs in constant motion, I was torqued. Lucky for me, my teachers knew how to help me stay on point. They’d simply say, “Sit down, shut up and focus!” And so I would.

Fortunately, the pedagogical style back then leaned towards quiet classrooms, one person speaking at a time, and only one subject on the table. On top of that, we had recess twice a day to burn off excess fuel. Today’s classrooms are noisy with many work stations and multiple subjects being addressed. It’s the perfect storm for kids who are over stimulated and struggle with the ability to focus.

Add to all this the excessive exposure to television, computers, and video games early in life and well, it’s like the high-strung on crack.

And while we’re comparing then with now, there were two other advantages I had that many kids lack. I had Mom waiting for me when I came home from school, ready to focus on my world. Many of today’s kids don’t come home to that option. Perhaps the word attention “deficit” does apply in this instance. What I didn’t have was all of the preservatives and junk food kids have going into them every day. This stuff isn’t good for anyone, but it is especially problematic to kids who are tightly wound.

Unfortunately, for kids with ADD, we live in an era that worships education and is deluded into thinking that top grades and top schools are the only way a person has any chance at a future. Although this is absolute hogwash, it doesn’t stop a lot of kids from feeling that they don’t measure up and never will. They struggle trying to please the god of academic elitism to which their parents bow and they seldom stroke their parents’ egos when they bring home their report cards. Perhaps it’s these kinds of parents that actually have the learning disorder. Just because a child has A.D.D. doesn’t mean that child has any intellectual problems. Nor are they actually handicapped. If anything, they have a gift!

True, children with ADD are easily distracted, but when they are highly interested in something, they can lock onto it like a surface-to-air missile. Indeed, their extraordinary ability to concentrate is just one of many exceptional benefits of these “tagged” kids. They may not get into Yale or Stanford, but it doesn’t mean that they have some half-baked future waiting for them. An inordinate percentage of the people at the highest ranks of the marketplace have ADD off the charts. The daydreaming they got in trouble for in school was just practice for the visionaries they have become. Top sales people, managers, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, and artists thank God every day for their gift of ADD. I certainly thank Him for mine.

David said, “… I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Profound words from the one guy in the Bible who modeled the “symptoms” of ADD every day of his life.

If you have a child dealing with Attention Deficit Disorder, take heart, you have an amazing child on you hands. Relax. Go make some smores with him! Don’t worry about her making straight As. They’ll be fine. In the meantime, vocalize your enormous belief in him, smother her with grace, and watch God do something wonderful with him or her as they move into the future.

*********************
For more about Tim’s thoughts on Medication for A.D.D click HERE.

© Copyright 2007 Dr. Tim Kimmel and Family Matters®

It was one of those rare times when I got to pick Lydia, our grand daughter, up from school. You talk about a boost to the ego! She squealed my name, gave me a huge hug and handed me her lunch box stuffed full of papers and projects.

As I strapped her into her booster car seat, she began to tell me that they had learned about the planets that day. “Nana, the ‘earf’ is a planet and it has a moon. When the moon is dark, it is a new moon and when it is all light, it is a full moon. My teacher says that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. I don’t believe her. I think he is pretend. And do you know what else Nana? When God made the ‘earf’, it was all dark and then God said, ‘Let there be light’….. Nana, do you know that Jesus is God?”

About that time, something else caught her attention and my celestial lesson came to an abrupt end. “Nana, look! A garage sale sign. Can we stop?” Well, of course, we stopped.

As I lifted her out of the car, she made a beeline for a pink bicycle that someone had outgrown. Lydia got the helmet from the handle bars, put it on and took the bike for a spin down the driveway. When she got off the bike and replaced the helmet, she announced, “Nana, I already have a bike. It’s blue and blue isn’t my favorite color, but I told Mommy that I am going to be thankful for what I have.”

Do you know how easy it would have been for me to buy that pink garage sale bicycle for her? But in doing so, I may have undermined a lesson that we all need in life and especially during the upcoming holiday season: Rather than focus on what we don’t have, we all need to be thankful for what we do have. Faith, Family, Friends, Freedom and in Lydia’s case, a blue bike.

Jesus, the Creator of the heavens and the Light of the World, came to give us the best gift of all – His life and His love. Let’s return the favor as we live our lives to honor God and serve others. I guarantee you will enjoy everything else you have even more this Christmas.

Here’s to Four Year Old Theology and Garage Sale Wisdom,

Love, Darcy

© Copyright 2008 Darcy Kimmel

It’s interesting where bold observations hit you over the head. I was sharing a ride to an airport with a friend named Jeff Fray. Great guy. My age. Raised in the jungles of Africa by his missionary parents. He’s a full-time advocate for strong marriages. In the process of our conversation, he drew a great parallel between animals that exist in the wild and their counterparts who live in captivity.

It got us both thinking about the tension that exists in the hearts of parents of faith who are trying to raise their kids wisely. Do we raise our kids in a way that forces them to learn how to thrive throughout their childhood in the worldly jungle that surrounds them, or do we raise them in the safe confines of an evangelical zoo? The threats of the one option are frightening, while the comforts of the other are tempting. But which one will we choose? The answer to this question is usually determined by two factors.

The first factor is our background. Some of us are inclined toward raising our kids in the evangelical zoo because that’s where we were raised. It’s what we’re used to. Then there are others of us who are inclined to raise our kids there because we spent our childhoods in the midst of the jungle but our parents did little or nothing to protect us from it or prepare us for it. Between running scared through early childhood and the scars from years of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll as teenagers, we figure we’d rather spare our children the kinds of wounds we bear.

The second factor has to do with where we place our focus. If our primary concern is the sexualized culture and the invisible forces of evil that want to have our kids for lunch, the safety of the zoo looks extremely attractive.

Raising kids in the context of our wild culture doesn’t seem to make any sense until you look at the built-in drawbacks of being raised in a zoo. Animals created to thrive in the wild, but instead grow up in the zoo, never get to develop the strengths that give them a fighting chance in the wild. They don’t need to. Daily room service by professional zoo keepers has eliminated their need to know how to hunt. Walls and bars separate them from other species so they remain unskilled at co-existing. Muscles designed to empower them to outrun their natural predators atrophy. They’ve never had to get good at smelling trouble. True, they typically live longer than their counterparts in the wild, but they don’t live in the way they were created to live—free. And if circumstances suddenly thrust them into the middle of the jungle outside their cages, they’d find themselves in serious trouble … fast.

Here’s reality. Ultimately, our children grow up and find themselves in the deepest and darkest parts of the cultural jungle anyway. College. Work. Community. Since it’s a foregone conclusion our children will eventually enter the wild, is there a way to give them a head-start on the competition without throwing them to the hyenas? Of course there is. Grace-based Christian parents do it all the time.

But we might need to do a proper inventory regarding the way we were raised. If we were brought up in comfortable spiritual environments that made few demands on our faith, we need to see them for what they truly are: contexts that factor out the need for God’s active power and presence working in our lives. These are breeding grounds for mediocrity, spiritual indifference, and biblical irrelevance. But what if we grew up in a family configuration where our parents failed to set standards and run interference for us? What if that left us scared and covered with scars? We need to let Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross do its complete work to forgive us, cleanse us from all unrighteousness and empower us to live godly lives in the midst of a Godless culture (1 John 1:9).

We also need to shift our focus from the threats that surround our kids to the God who longs to protect them. Neither they nor we are any match for the world system, but God is. We need to show our kids what faith in God’s power looks like lived out on the front lines of a lost and needy world. They need to see our unflinching confidence in His watchful care and how His grace shows up when we struggle or fail.

God isn’t calling us to raise safe kids; He’s calling us to raise strong ones. And even if we prefer to keep them in the zoo, come age eighteen, most of them find themselves in the jungle whether we like it or not. Protecting them makes sense in the very early years of their childhood, but preparation for real life needs to get a lot of practice well before they head out into the jungle on their own. Our families tend to fare far better when we operate in a context that forces both parents and children to live by faith in the middle of a toxic and hurting world.

And here’s the good news, if we raise spiritually strong kids, God throws in safe ones for free. This requires us to put our faith in the God who has promised to protect us. It’s amazing how safe the wild actually is when the King of kings of the jungle, the Lion of Judah, goes before us and also serves as our rear guard. Because as the Apostle Paul said, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom 8:31).

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31. See also Psalm 91.

****************

For help at equalizing the tension between raising your children either too exposed to the world system or too isolated from it, you might want to read Chapters 5-8 of Why Christian Kids Rebel, by Tim Kimmel.

© Copyright 2008 Dr. Tim Kimmel and Family Matters®

Encouragement is the backbone of hope. It’s amazing how much a person can endure on the strength of a few well-placed words.

Applause, on the other hand, is the Achilles heel of self-worth. It’s chilling how deathly empty the quiet sounds like when the cheering finally stops.

Which always makes me wonder why parents dish out so much criticism in the process of trying to push their kids to gain so much praise.

When you raise four kids who seemed to know how to hold their own in crowds, classrooms, and athletic arenas, you hear a lot of what’s going on around you. You tend to see too much of other people’s priorities lived out at their kid’s expense. The need for a parent to see their child named first, listed highest, or rewarded the best tends to come with razor wire attached.

It’s one thing to bring your “A” game and go the extra mile because it’s the right thing to do when taking on a challenge. It’s another thing to do this for the sake of hearing an explosive ovation focused singularly on you. When our children are shown what a complete and contented life looks like—a life that is neither defined by its victories nor diminished by its defeats, it makes it so much easier when it’s their turn to take a bow or process boos. It’s the balanced response of a humble person who gains their significance not from who they are or from what they’ve done, but from Whose they are.

Tradition tells us that even the greatest generals of Rome knew enough about the underbelly of praise to process it wisely. When they had completed a successful military campaign, the victory parade back into the city was the glorious highpoint of their return from the battlefield.

The boulevards of Rome would be draped in the colors of the empire and the emblems of the returning army. Thousands of citizens of every color and status would line the parade route. As millions of flower petals rained down over the celebration, trumpeters would blast their glorious notes while drummers pounded out the victory cadence. The well-turned-out army would lead the way followed, ultimately, by their victorious general. He would be standing high in his embellished chariot pulled by the most powerful and most beautifully adorned horses in the realm. With a crown of olive branches on his head and polished armor on his chest, the general would relish in the glory and adoration of the citizens.

But standing directly behind him, wearing the simple robe of the common man, and shouting above the din of the crowd, a servant would be repeating a phrase over and over again in the general’s ear:

“Memento mori” … “Memento mori” … “Memento mori” …

“Remember, you will die!” …

The general knew the fickle nature of the crowd. Or at least his mentors and advisors did. So to keep the intoxicating power of momentary praise from framing his view of who he was, what he’d done, or what any of this meant, he’d have a symbol of reality standing behind him reminding him to be careful not to get caught up in all that was happening at that instant. Because he knew that just as instantly, that moment would pass. He, like every other human being who accomplishes great things, will ultimately die and take his place within the (for the most part) forgotten annals of history.

There’s nothing wrong with being honored for a job well done. But there’s something severely wrong with needing that honor or basking too heavily in that praise. In those moments, what we really need is the sober words “memento mori” ringing in our heart.

All I’m talking about is retaining the wisdom of these lines from a wonderful poem by CT Stud:

 “Only one life, t’will soon be past.

Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

 It’s strong advice. And it’s a good plan for guiding our children. It keeps them from sacrificing the permanent on the altar of the immediate.

If anyone could weigh in on the fleeting nature of the praise of man, it’s King David. Here’s how he summed up what I’m trying to say:

As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him and his righteousness with their children’s children — with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. (Psalm 103:13-19).

***********************************************************************************************************

How about you? Do you ever feel this tension of wanting your children to get the recognition they’ve earned for their efforts, but not want them to grow to need it in their lives? What have you done to maintain a memento mori balance?

Why grace? Of all the adjectives I could choose to qualify the kind of parenting we are to do, why do I choose this one? Why not Bold Parenting, Smart Parenting, Savvy Parenting or Tough Parenting?

Because they don’t capture God’s heart. They don’t even come close. There is only one phrase that works—Grace Based Parenting. This phrase captures the heart of God in an all-encompassing way. Grace includes His love, embraces His mercy, and honors His sacrifice.

Grace came down on Christmas morning. God wrapped up His whole wonderful plan for us in this single, simple word. Grace sings out “Joy to the World.” It calls out, “Come unto Me.” It cries out, “It is finished!”

As a parent, you have been singled out to do a favor for God. He wants someone to be His voice, His arms, and His heart. He chose you to assist Him in a miracle. He gave us children and then urges us to give these precious lives meaning.

This is where many parents panic. They wonder how on earth will they do that? And just like the angels said to Mary, Jesus says to you “Do not be afraid, for you have found favor with God”.

The answer to your uncertainty isn’t on earth. It’s found in heaven. It’s sitting on an eternal throne. He has many names, but among one of my favorites is “The God of Grace.” So when you wonder, how am I to raise up children to love and serve God?, the answer is actually not that difficult . . . you need to simply treat your children the way God treats you – with grace.

And here’s the good part. If the only thing you get right as parents is His grace, everything else will be just fine.

I can vouch for that. I didn’t have a lot going for me when I became a father. My role model was average, my experience was limited, and my talent was suspect. I made a ton of mistakes. But there has been one goal that Darcy and I have focused on from the beginning. We wanted to make sure that to the best of our ability, we raised our children in an environment of grace.
The result is that we have seen that what God promises is true, and His grace is sufficient. And every once in a while, something happens that is like a love note from God that says, “You chose the right path in how you raised your kids.”

Our second born of four is a son named Cody. One evening, during the winter quarter of his high school senior year, Cody had a brief conversation with me before he said, Goodnight and retired to bed. I was working at my computer and had assumed he had gone to sleep. But something prompted him to sit down at his desk and write a poem. Twenty-five minutes after I said goodnight to him, he came back out to read me what he had written. His poetic effort gave me reason to hope in the power of God’s amazing grace. My hope is that it will do the same for you my friend.

As you celebrate the gift of God’s grace at Christmas time and the start of a New Year, may you know that when all is said and done, OUR GOD STILL REMAINS.

My God Remains
Cody Kimmel

When all that ought to be is gone
And freedom falls to feeling
And all that life’s been born to own
Gets lost in my soul’s stealing
When every color fades to gray
And love seems but a stain
And fleshly hope is thrown away
Indeed, My God remains.

When clouds form scenes of good times past
And every road not traveled
And all great things that never last
And every goal unraveled
When thunder drowns the voice of truth
And lies become my bane
I cry to God in my reckless youth,
And yes, He still remains.

When birthdays seem like one more day
And winter crowns my brow
When years long gone start to betray
My body years from now;
When Death sneaks slowly to my bed
And robs me of my pain,
My soul will bless the day I said,
“Thank God, my God remains.”

Copyright 2003 Cody Kimmel

 

(Adapted from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel)

It was to be a Christmas season of firsts and lasts. This would be the first year that not all of our children would be home for the holidays. Cody was spending his first Christmas as a married man with his wife and her family in Houston. For Shiloh, who was to be married in a few months, this would be the last Christmas morning she would wake up in our house. Next year, she would be in her own home with her new husband.

Karis, who lives nearby, was already married and the mother of two (if I do say so myself) beautiful little girls. As it was, Colt was the last man standing and the only survivor on the Kimmel Island.

Our Christmas morning tradition had been that all of the kids would wake up early and come crawl in our bed as we got up to get things ready for the big day. We’d put on our robes and slippers and, as quickly as possible, go out to fill the stockings and get breakfast started before the kids could get up and spend the next 5-6 hours demolishing what had taken weeks to create.

But now we only had two kids at home and both of them would rather sleep as long as possible in their own beds. However, even an 18 year old can’t resist the excitement and mystery of Christmas morning and eventually, Colt convinced Shiloh to get up and come downstairs. But as he descended the stairs, he stopped and looked at Tim and me, now completely dressed, coiffed and coffee’d and said, “Oh no you don’t! Get back into your pajamas. There may be a lot of things that are changing this year, but we are not going to get dressed until after we open all of the gifts.”

I think it’s called the “last straw”. We finally realized how hard it is for the youngest to see everyone abandon ship and change the “way things used to be”. Colt was experiencing some of the same mixed emotions that we have as our children grow.

It took us just a few minutes to get back into our PJ’s and then, with a touch of the familiar, we began to enjoy the way things are going to be, with many things changing but some things remaining the same.

Here’s to first and lasts and some things that don’t change,

Love,
Darcy

There is just something about the idea of our kids working hard that makes a parent feel good. That was the one thing that made Colt’s decision to stay in Flagstaff a little easier for me to swallow.

His typical late night phone call informed us that he had been hired by the Flagstaff, AZ fire department as part of their Wildfire Control Unit. Immediately, several questions came to my mind. Does that mean you are actually going to be around forest fires? (Starting to get a little worried now). Don’t you have to have some special training to fight forest fires? (I was pretty sure his freshman year of college hadn’t qualified him).

As he answered yes to both of these questions, I realized that I was in for another lesson on letting go and launching this son of ours. But the training he was to go through was going to be even harder:

10 mile hikes up the mountain with a 50 pound backpack and his chain saw
5:30am wake ups followed by an hour of calisthenics
1000 pushups for being 10 minutes late
Another 1000 pushups for letting his chain saw slip and cut through his Kevlar chaps
And many more too numerous to detail

But with all these new challenges, Colt said by far the scariest thing he had to do everyday was “Pack my own lunch,” (maybe he still needs me)!

Wow, what a summer he’s had! He has worked harder than he has ever worked in his short 19 years, he has learned emergencies skills that will serve him and others for the rest of his life, and he has had to function in the “world” while living out his own values. He has learned to be part of a team whose lives depend on each other. He has learned how a split second decision can make the difference between life and death. And perhaps he has a better understanding of where God wants to use him in his life vocation.

Sure, I missed having him home for the summer and I’ve been praying for him more than ever. However, God used one summer job to solidify a childhood full of life lessons that we have placed in his heart. It was a good trade off.
For some reason, entrusting our kids to God is never easy. But in doing so, God has made Colt stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. God has also been faithful to answer the prayers of a Mom who loves her boy like God loves us (a lot!!).

In this you greatly rejoice…that the proof of our faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. I Peter 1:7

Here’s to hot summer days and God’s amazing plans.

Love,

Darcy