Here are some more little snippets of insight from Dr. Kimmel’s book Connecting Church and Home, which is ready for purchase!

Dr. Tim Kimmel will also be referencing this book at the D6 Conference.  For more information about D6; go here!

Order your copy today!

Download a FREE Sample Chapter!

As a parent, one of the things we should strive for is to protect our children’s hearts.  For me as a pastor, I am continually asking God to move my children forward in their faith, and to make it personal for them and not merely an extension of being a “preacher’s kid”.

There is a family we have been assisting as a church, who has a teenaged son battling cancer – we’ll call him “K”.  We are connected to him and his family through the school where we meet for church.  This morning, my youngest daughter Kenzie, who is 6, came to me with a handful of pennies – I was working at the computer trying to get some things done, and she said, “Dad…I want to give these to K’s mom today.”  I asked her why, and she replied, “Cause her son is having to have all those surgeries and stuff, and I want to help.”  My initial reaction was to tell her that a few pennies wasn’t going to help them with their medical debt – that it was just too large for a few pennies to make a difference.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit intervened before my thoughts reached my mouth…

You see, it wasn’t about the amount of money.  It was about Kenzie’s heart, and the giving spirit that the Holy Spirit continues to foster in her.  As I was about to respond to her, the Holy Spirit altered my thinking and reminded me that for her, this was about playing a part in a kingdom issue.  I looked at her and said, “I think that’s awesome Kenzie.  We’ll go a little early to school so you can give them to her!”  The beaming face in front of me confirmed to me the right words had poured from my mouth.

Before Kenzie went into school, I went ahead of her to let the mom know what was going on.  I didn’t want her to be caught off guard by this precocious 6 year old with a handful of pennies.  I wanted her to know why I was allowing Kenzie to do this – that we were seeing God change her heart daily into caring more for others than herself.

So parents, guard and protect your child’s heart.  There may be times they make a request of you to allow them to do something and it may seem insignificant to you, or seem like a request that doesn’t really have an impact on anything.  Before you say no, ask the Lord if this is a heart issue for your child…it just might be a memory they make that results in a life of service to the kingdom.

As a young mom, I longed for some me time, some free time at the end of a day. Raising a son with special needs and two daughters was a 24/7 kind of job….like every mom! There’s no vacation on vacation, there’s no pats on the back from the children in those early years. Yet, when I look back over being a mom, and a mom of a child with special needs, I have NO REGRETS!

Years ago I wrote a poem about wanting that free time and never finding it. Recently I published that poem (with a few new stanzas) in No Regrets. I’d like to share a few of those verses with you as an encouragement in your life as a mom!

No Regrets by Cindi Ferrini

I woke up this morning and had my day planned,
But yet He reshaped it with His tender hand.
I do what He asks me no matter how small.
I know that He guides me – hours minutes, and all.

I’ve wiped dishes and toilets, behinds, and some tears,
And now I’m “done in” and wiped out from those dears!
The day has just ended, all chores are now done.
I’m ready for “me time,” relaxing, and fun!

Each night I think this is the one I will claim
As mine to catch up, just relax, play a game.
Each child has a need and like corn that is popping,
With me they engage and there’s simply no stopping.

I know what You did with the loaves and the fish,
So if I might ask of You one little wish…
If in the near future there’s any time free,
Would You please reconsider and give it to me?

The poem goes on to tell of this mother’s resolve in finding that free time.

Mom, let me encourage you…no matter what demands you have on your day:

• A child with special needs – illness, seizures, sleeplessness nights
• Children who are crying all day long
• Not being able to get your nails done
• Wishing you could just kick up your feet for 5 minutes
• Desiring a outing or a trip just with your husband
• Not being able to get dinner on the table on time or finish a load of laundry
• And a million other things that make daily demands on you….

Your job is important, perhaps the most important job there is. You’re preparing the children for their future and the future of our country and the world. That is no easy task but one to take seriously. Be encouraged – they do grow up, and the time goes faster than you can imagine, although right now you won’t believe me!

“The days go by slowly…the years go by fast.
We look to the future, too soon it’s the past!”

Enjoy today….with No Regrets!

Cindi Ferrini has published a book “No Regrets”. For your copy, please go to her site at www.cindiferrini.com – enjoy!

I ski up mountains. I know, you might ask “Who does that?” I do. It’s an opportunity to physically exhaust myself in order to strengthen my resolve to be a true disciple of Jesus. You see, I’m naturally self-focused and pride-filled (Jeremiah 17:9). Maybe this resonates with you?

On my latest climb up a popular ski mountain in Arizona, I was reminded how important encouragement is. Weary and tired, I struggled to reach the top of the 2000 foot climb. Close to the summit, several groups of downhill skiers took the time to bolster my determination with kind words.

One fellow mountaineer took the time to belittle my less than stellar efforts to summit in a timely manner.

As I climb, my purpose is to lay aside my needs for comfort, security, and pleasure to embrace service, sacrifice, and selflessness. In order to become a servant to all I must first yield. For me climbing a ski mountain symbolizes this posture. I enjoy going off to a quiet place to ask the Lord how He would like to stretch my attitude and thinking about such things. He is my primary source of encouragement.

I consider how the God that created the Universe cared enough about me and you to come to earth to wash the feet of His disciples and to lay down His life in service for me (John 13:8). What greater aspiration could I have then to do the same for my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues (John 15:13)?

I’m called as a true disciple to implement this posture each day (Matthew 16:24). We will grow weary in our efforts apart from encouragement from the pulpit, the Christian radio station, my daily devotion, my husband, my small group, and my mentor mom.

Our children need regular doses of encouragement if they too will grow to become true disciples of Jesus. Consider where and when they are receiving encouragement.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds …  — Hebrews 10:24

To encourage another is to bolster, stimulate, refresh, fortify, strengthen, reinforce, and sustain one’s confidence in a resolve.

Truthfully, I don’t think I would have reached the summit on that day without the helpful words from the downhill skiers. I was strengthened in my decision to summit by their enthusiasm for my endeavor even though they did not grasp why I was skiing uphill.

We are made for more than this world has to offer. You can REACH for the glory of heaven every day.

R – Resolve to be a living sacrifice as an act of worship (Romans 12:1).

E – Envision Jesus washing the feet of His disciples as a motivation (John 13:5).

A – Acquiesce temporal pleasures found in this world to store up treasure for the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19).

C – Count the cost to be a true disciple (Luke 14:28-30).

H – Be holy as HE is holy (1 Peter 1:16).

Here are some more little snippets of insight from Dr. Kimmel’s book Connecting Church and Home, which is ready for purchase!

Dr. Tim Kimmel will also be referencing this book at the D6 Conference.  For more information about D6; go here!

Order your copy today!

Download a FREE Sample Chapter!

Any parent will tell you there are no true experts in parenting, only people who have learned from their mistakes. In my mind, the only true experts I look to are those who have parented children with Grace, and whose children are older than mine.

We moved overseas when our daughter was just 8 months old and our oldest son was born 3 months before we returned to the states. We also desire to live abroad again someday. Because of our past unique life situation and future goals, I often look to women who have raised children abroad for parenting advice. They are my Mom Hero’s. They’ve successfully raised children in the midst of different cultures and countries and huge transitions.

The first time I met Susan and her family, they lived in Germany and her children were in high school and junior high. It had been about a year since they’d moved from another European country. I was very impressed with how her teenagers interacted with us, with their parents and their peers. Although they acted like normal teenagers, they seemed to have a confidence about them that is rare in kids that age. So I asked Susan, “What did you do to raise such great, confidant kids?” Sweet and humble Susan just laughed as if I was crazy to think it were true but then said something that has stuck with me ever since. “I just played with them a lot. I spent time with them. If they liked to read, I’d read books with them. If they liked to play video games, I’d spend time playing video games.”

Is it really that simple? Do our kids just want us to spend time with them? The more and more I observe grown children who love God and love others, the more I find parents who spent intentional time with their children during the younger years. Susan’s words ring through my mind on a regular basis, perhaps because God knows I have a tendency to do things FOR my kids, but struggle with desire to do things WITH my kids.

Of course, the other common factor I see in truly great kids is Grace. As I’ve observed parents who raise kids through multiple transnational moves and changes in international schools, I’ve seen that they have parented with a lot of Grace.

If you are looking for parenting mentors, look to those families who have older children or grown children who demonstrate characteristics or life styles that you hope to see in your kids. Ask those parents for advice. I guarantee you will be getting tips from true experts.

Here are some more little snippets of insight from Dr. Kimmel’s book Connecting Church and Home, which is ready for purchase!

Dr. Tim Kimmel will also be referencing this book at the D6 Conference.  For more information about D6; go here!

Order your copy today!

Download a FREE Sample Chapter!

A couple mornings ago, I woke up with a sweet face just inches from mine. “It’s raining, mama.” She whispered. I had been lying there with eyes closed for some time listening to the rain fall. Call me crazy, but I love a rainy day. “Can we go out on the deck and play in it?” She asked. I shook my head, “no”. She giggled and ran out of the room.

By mid-morning, the rain had stopped. Then, for the rest of the day, I was plagued with this thought: Why couldn’t she play in the rain? I mentally listed all of the reasons.

They would get all wet.

That would mean a change of clothes, a.k.a. more dirty laundry.

The carpet would probably get wet when they came back inside.

It’s true. All of those things would probably result from a morning of playing in the rain. Suddenly, however, none of that bothered me.  What bothered me, in that moment, was that it had not even occurred to me to say, yes. Sometimes, “No” is just my default response. It rises to my lips before I have even fully listened to request.

Sometimes, I say “no” because I tend to be an overly worrisome mom.

Can we run outside with bare feet? 

No. After all, they may step on something sharp. They may slip and fall. Maybe, they will stub a toe. Maybe, aliens will visit our neighborhood and only steal the children whose mommies did not make them wear shoes.

Other times, I say “no” because it is just not convenient for me.

Can we play with our paints?

No. If we do that, I will have to gather all of the art supplies. Then, we will need to change into some different clothes. The baby will be trying to get into everything. Then, when it’s all over, there are brushes and things to clean. So on and so forth.

Then, there are those times, when I say “no” just because. Seriously, just. because.

Will you come outside with us? No.

Do you want to play Barbies with me? No.

Can we skip baths tonight? No.

Like I said, it is often just my default response. But, I want to change that. Obviously, I am not talking about agreeing to every request. You are not going to suddenly find my kiddos playing in the streets or eating candy for breakfast. I do, however, want to say “yes” more often.

(As I’m typing this, my daughters came to the door and asked for some chocolate. I said, “no,” without so much as a second thought. I’m a work in progress, y’all.)

Something happened on that rainy morning. I found myself waiting for it to start raining again. I wanted to surprise my kids and let them play in it. It never did rain again that day, but you better believe I’m waiting for another chance. Because, I may have had dry carpets, but what I didn’t have was a picture of my babies dancing in the rain. Of the two, I think I made the wrong choice.

I do not think I’m the only one who gets stuck in “no” mode.

Maybe you, like me, need to give “yes” a try. Yes – to staying up past bedtimes. Yes – to blanket forts in the living room. Yes – to playing outside with kids and ignoring the laundry for a little while. Yes – to playing in the rain.

Let’s loosen up a little and enjoy our kiddos. They won’t always be asking for snuggles on the couch or pushes on the swing. The dusty tables and dirty dishes will still be there tomorrow.

I have to go, now. I need to get my kids some chocolate.

Has God ever illustrated a spiritual principle to you through your children? I think that’s one of the reasons He loans those kids to us. Maybe that’s why He gave Tim and me four – we needed to learn a lot of lessons. Kids are one of God’s visual aids in our lives and God used our daughter Shiloh to show me the power of my words one afternoon in my kitchen.

It was the beginning of lacrosse season and Shiloh was commenting on how out of shape she was and how frustrated she was, as the team captain, with her performance at practice that day. This is where I proceeded to put not one, but both feet, in my mouth. I said something like, “Yeah, Shiloh, I saw you dropping the ball out there. It looked like you were having a hard time keeping a hold of anything today.”

Shiloh finished her snack and went upstairs and that’s when the Holy Spirit convicted me. I realized my words that so easily slipped out were not the words that she needed to hear. Shiloh didn’t need another critic, she needed a cheerleader. She had been on the edge of despair at practice, knowing that she wasn’t doing her best and she had rushed home, needing to have some assurance that it was just a bad day – that she wasn’t a bad player. I chose to join the crowd of detractors. I realized that I was the one who failed that day. I went upstairs and found her crying. She told me that she knew she was dropping the ball. What she needed was someone to tell her that she could catch it.
She needed words of belief, words of help and words of affirmation. Our kids have people telling them how they’re not measuring up all day long. They need to know that there is one person (us) that they can count on to believe in them, to support them, to love them no matter how they perform.

“Shiloh, please forgive me. I had no right to say that. I love watching you play. I am so proud of the way your team looks up to you and follows your leadership. Please forgive me. I am very sorry and I love you so much.” Just another set of words strung together, but exactly what she needed to hear. Her face transformed into a smile and she gave me a hug.

God used that instance to remind me of the power of supportive words and also the power of asking for forgiveness when I’ve blown it. After her season started, Tim and I were sitting in the stands watching her team play and one of the parents leaned over to us and said, “Congratulations on Shiloh. You must be very proud”. Well, of course, we’re proud of Shiloh for lots of reasons but asked if there was something specific he was referring to. He said yes, that according to the official stats at that point in the season, Shiloh was the number one girl’s high school lacrosse player in Arizona. That year, she led the state in hat tricks and points scored. The next year was her senior year and, in a deliberate effort to hand her position of leadership over to the younger players, she decided to let them score and she led the state in assists.

I’m convinced that had I not replaced my words of criticism with words of belief, help and affirmation, her stats may have been very different. Just a few words, but oh so powerful!

Here’s to the power of positive words and eating lots of crow,

Love, Darcy

Let’s be honest with one another for a moment.

Do you have a plan for building your children’s character?

I’m serious… do you?!

Personally, I consider myself fortunate when my children go to bed well fed, bathed and without having thrown >5 tantrums in a day.  Now being intentional in building character in my children?  That’s only for the really amazing parents, right?!

Not so much!

Thankfully with resources like what Family Matters provides to today’s family, we can be intentional in teaching our children about character, even when they are young.

Below you’ll see the six character traits that Dr. Kimmel outlines in his book, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right. For each of the character traits, I’ve chosen one practical action point that you can do to start building character in your toddler’s hearts.

Six Character Building Tips {for Toddlers}

1. Faith

Let them see you reading your Bible each morning.  As Stacy mentioned in her post Word to the Weary Mom, there will come a day when you are back in a position to devote hours to Bible study.  But, for now, use short devotions instead of long Bible studies.  You will be amazed at how God will meet you where you are right now.

“The life of faith isn’t a done deal just because our kids prayed a prayer one day.  It’s a walk. A journey. And our job of modeling it is never over.  As we live it out each day, we find that we, too, benefit.” (pg 62, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right)

2. Integrity

Apologize when you wrong your children.  Do you ever discipline your toddler out of anger?  Apologize.  Yes – even to your toddler.  As they say, more is caught than taught.  We want our children growing up to be women and men who are quick to admit fault.

“All other skills and talents, regardless of how carefully defined, must submit to the demands of integrity.” (pg 67, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right)

3. Poise

Have your children verbally thank the people who regularly help them (teacher, friend, Sunday school teacher, pastor, etc).  

“Poise is gentle strength.  Parents leave a legacy of love to their children when they transfer skills that make the most of moments and relationships.”  (pg 87, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right)

4. Discipline

Assign daily chores and hold them responsible to perform them. Some examples of chores that are appropriate for toddlers might be to help make their bed, pick up their toys and books or help to feed pets.

“Discipline helps children live up to their potential, their gifts, and their capabilities.  It gives them a sense of confidence as they move into the future.  Dreams more frequently come true for children who see that discipline consistently pays off.” (pg 102, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right).

5. Endurance

Show your child(ren) how to save money by putting money they receive into a piggy bank/savings account.  Have them save a certain sum of money that you agree to match once they meet their goal.

“If we want to pass on eternal character traits along the way, we’re going to hit walls every day.  That’s why endurance must be a part of our personal makeup as well as one of the character traits we want to hand off to our children.” (pg 117, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right)

6. Courage

Visit a fire department and ask one of the fire fighters to tell your child(ren) what it means to be courageous.  

“Each day presents us with opportunities to teach our children about courage.  We may develop great outlines and stirring lectures on faith, integrity, poise, discipline and endurance, but if our kids don’t see us courageously living out these character traits, they won’t be inclined to pursue them.” (pg 138, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right)