I stopped playing soccer when I was six because I didn’t like getting kicked in the shins. This is a fact I am not necessarily proud of, but I unfortunately cannot change my past. I really enjoyed the sport, but the thought of playing hurt week in and week out was too much for me to handle. So I quit.

When I think of the world in which our kids are being raised, I think of that story. The postmodern generation is getting kicked in the shins. They are playing a perpetual game of pre-school soccer, only, unlike me, they can’t quit when they get hurt.

The postmodern generation is a hurting generation. With divorce rates higher than ever before, the failed promise that modern science would actually make life better, the fragmented community caused by the monolithic spread of technology, and the inability to trust authority, the cards are stacked against our children.

They hurt because they are being raised in a broken home, or at least have close friends in broken homes. They hurt because the progress of science and technology has only served to make the violence and evil done to others more efficient. They hurt because the institutions people used to be able to cling to, like the church, have lost credibility in the public eye. Our kids are wounded and injured and it’s not their fault.

During my years working with youth, I was shocked by this fact. I would see the pain played out in harmful relationships, self-inflicted pain, and emotional abuse. They would take their hurt out on every one they could, especially their parents. At first I just dismissed the postmodern generation as a bunch of spoiled brats who were too self-involved to become anything significant in the future. But then I realized the ‘why’ of the situation.

Our kids rebel, they are self involved, they are dismissive, distant, and at times harmful because deep down inside, they are deeply hurt. What’s worse is that instead of addressing the hurt underlying the bad behavior, our initial reaction is to only address the bad behavior and further drive the pain home.

This is one of the reasons I love the ministry of Young Life. At Young Life, nobody cares if the kids are screw-ups, rebels, or misfits. They love them and mend the hurt in their lives with Christ before they address any of the other behavioral problems.

First and foremost, our children need compassion. If we want to reclaim this generation for Christ, to change the ebbing tide away from Christianity postmodernism has brought, we need to start with compassion. Our children are getting kicked in the shins on a daily basis, and if we want to have any place in walking them through childhood and adolescence, we need to see the hurt and address it before anything else.

This is why the sinners and outcast of Israel sought out Jesus. For the first time in their lives, they met a man who saw the hurt before their sin, who gave them love without their obedience. You can be your child’s shin guards against the constant kicks of an unforgiving culture. If we can be like that to our kids, if we can show the same love, grace, compassion, and understanding Jesus showed the disenfranchised of first century Israel, healing will begin in the hearts of our children.

Are your kids hurting? How can you address the hurt in their lives this week? How does your church care for the pain of the postmodern generation?

For more information on how to address rebellion with grace, check out Tim Kimmel’s book Why Christian Kids Rebel.

Vintage is so in right now.

As a kind-of-hipster parent, I have even caught myself buying vintage toys for my son. Whether it’s the old wooden blocks, the classic jack-in-the-box, or a good old fashioned rubber ducky, I tend to be more inclined to get him something if there is a bit of nostalgia attached to it. I know he’s 1 ½ right now, but I think he appreciates the nostalgia as well.

This might surprise you, but the vintage movement—the desire for something old, pre-modern, pre-bigger, better, flashier—is not merely a fad. It’s not just some hipster trend. The desire for a return to pre-modern things is an important element of understanding raising kids in a postmodern world.

As I communicated in my first postmodern parent post, the postmodern world is characterized by a rejection of the modern movement (amongst other things). It’s not just because rejecting things is cool. The culture we live in has lost faith in modern culture’s ability to do what it promises. Included in this modern rejection are a lot of the current church trends.

I’m going to suggest something that might seem counterintuitive to many parents. If we want to connect our children’s hearts to God, if we want to cultivate a long term, life-directing relationship with Christ in our children, older is better.

Let me explain. For the last 20 years or so, the trend has been to isolate youth culture within a youth group setting for church, to make youth groups feel like Miley Cyrus concerts, and do everything we can to make sure they are doing the things Christians do. Given the amount of time and money spent on trying to reach children, most church leaders now are being met with overwhelming disappointment in the results.

Recent studies, such as Fuller’s Youth Institutes Sticky Faith, have explored this phenomenon and come back with the same suggestion. Older is better. There is a postmodern push for pre-modern religion that we as parents need to take seriously.

Here are three things I think can help us use vintage faith to form our children into lasting disciples of Christ:

1. Small is the New Big – Our kids don’t want church to be a rock concert. They don’t want to be a nameless face in a large crowd. One of the most significant things we as parents can do to help instill lasting faith in our children is to incorporate them into a smaller community of believers. This doesn’t mean we need to leave our mega churches, it just means we need to be at a church that values breaking the discipleship process into smaller group settings. Our postmodern kids want to be known by the people leading them and know those they are growing with.
2. A Clear Gospel Basis – When being a Christian means accomplishing a to do list, the postmodern generation loses interest. Behaviorism is subtle. There is the obvious legalistic religion—don’t’ smoke, don’t chew, don’t go with girls who do—but there is also the spiritual discipline legalism. Read your bible, go to church, pray, serve. All of these things are hopefully things our children will do, but if that is how Christianity is defined they will lose interest. When our children asks us what it means to be a Christian, don’t answer, “Being a Christian means I try to follow Christ in how I act. I read my Bible and pray. I serve in church and give of my time to others.” Instead, answer them, “I’m a Christian because God loved me enough to send his only Son to die a sinner’s death on the cross and conquer death through his resurrection.” The focus needs to be placed back on Christ and away from our response to Him.
3. Intergenerational Spirituality – Probably one of the most significant and surprising findings by studies like Sticky Faith is the importance of intergenerational spirituality for the long-term spiritual health of our children. The modern push to create an alternative youth religious culture to meet the direct needs of children might be the very thing pushing them away from the faith as they get older. Postmodern children need to see faith working in older people. They don’t care if the truth of the Bible is consistent or logical, they just want to know that it works. Because of that, we as parents need to work hard to involve our children in the religious life of multiple generations. Have them meet with some of your Christian friends, let them observe you in community group, make it a point for them to come to “Big Church” as well as go to their youth groups.

Our children need a vintage faith. They need church practices with nostalgia attached to them. So while we’re considering the 1940’s style Lincoln logs for our children, let’s be sure and throw in some old time religion while we’re at it.

It rained all weekend here in Dallas. This is good news for the drought, but bad news for my one year old son. After the third day of non-stop, chilling rain, my son resorted to just standing beside the backdoor windows staring.

I felt sorry for him. So I decided to pick him up and tell him about the rain. I told him that every time he sees rain it should remind him of God’s grace. In Matthew 5:45, Jesus reminds his disciples that God causes the rain to fall for both the just and the unjust. God blesses people with the ability to live and thrive, regardless of whether or not they deserve it.

I held Kyler for a minute with his hand against the cold pane, watching the rain in silence. I knew he wasn’t old enough to understand what I told him, but it was a needed reminder. God gives us constants. Despite how quickly culture shifts and flows, there are things that don’t change. There is the same ancient grace in every new raindrop drawing us to remember the merciful God ruling over it all.

In the Postmodern Parent column this year, I’ve attempted to tackle some of the new issues facing us as parents in light of the post-everything world we call home. I hope to continue to do this in future posts, but I think it’s important we keep in mind God’s constants. We need to hold on to those things that don’t change, that won’t change, regardless of how different everything seems around us.

I was reminded of this over the Thanksgiving break as my wife and family took my son and two nieces to the Phoenix Zoo. I grew up going to the Phoenix Zoo, so it has always been the image my mind conjured up when I think about zoos (which is more frequent than you might assume). The place in particular my mind imagines is the lion and tiger exhibit.

As I walked up to the exhibit at the end of the day, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia. I found myself picking up a very tired but curious Kyler to show him the Tiger sunning himself, beginning stories with, “When I was your age…” Once again, he didn’t fully appreciate the significance. To him, it was just a zoo with animals he only recently discovered existed. But for me, it was more.

One of the greatest issues facing the church today in America is the issue of children leaving the church when they get to age 18. According to a Barna survey, only 20% of teenagers involved in church activity as teenagers remain involved as twentysomethings.

Despite millions of dollars spent by churches on youth programs, the backdoor has never been wider for our kids to leave the church once out of our direct care.

This is not a fact to be taken lightly. Although, the postmodern generation is increasingly spiritually curious, it is being turned off from the church. As a parent, this especially breaks my heart because I know how much I long to have my son follow Christ his whole life.

Postmodernism and Mr. T

One of the most important characteristics of postmodern thought can be summed up by Mr. T: “I Pity the Fool!” The postmodern generation does not suffer fools. It doesn’t tolerate things that are fake, inauthentic, and impractical. I actually think this is a good thing about the upcoming generation.

Unfortunately, this has had a direct effect on how many of our teenagers are leaving the faith. Many of the reasons given by twentysomethings for leaving the faith is because of hypocrisy, a lack of genuine care, and a lack of authenticity in the way church culture operates. Our kids won’t tolerate fools!

David Kinnaman offers this insight into the problem, “Much of the ministry to teenagers in America needs an overhaul – not because churches fail to attract significant numbers of young people, but because so much of those efforts are not creating a sustainable faith beyond high school. There are certainly effective youth ministries across the country, but the levels of disengagement among twentysomethings suggest that youth ministry fails too often at discipleship and faith formation. A new standard for viable youth ministry should be – not the number of attenders, the sophistication of the events, or the ‘cool’ factor of the youth group – but whether teens have the commitment, passion and resources to pursue Christ intentionally and whole- heartedly after they leave the youth ministry nest.”

So What Can Parents Do?

I am both discouraged and encouraged by this issue. I’m discouraged because when people walk away from the church, they usually give up on Christ because of the church’s association with him. However, I’m encouraged because I think this generation is much better positioned to embrace an authentic faith in Christ without the distractions of Gospel-less religion. They may be running from the church, but they are not necessarily running from Christ.

Since we, the parents, are the best bet in keeping our kids from running through the great backdoor when they get to college, I thought I’d share a few tips on how to keep kids from leaving the faith.

1. Riskily Serve Regularly – As Kinnaman pointed out, we need to be giving our kids the “resources to pursue Christ intentionally and whole- heartedly after they leave the youth ministry nest.” Regularly serving in a way that costs something is the best antidote to spiritual apathy. When we do God’s work for those in need, God works in us. We need to be doing this in our own life and encouraging our kids to do this as well.
2. Pick Better Churches – If your church youth group is more concerned with it’s size, programming, and “awesomeness”, you might need to pick a better church. Make sure the youth staff at your church measures success by depth, not breadth. Pick a church that expects you to be involved in your kid’s spiritual growth. Any church that tells you, “Don’t worry, we’ll take it from here,” is lying to you.
3. Allow Doubt – Our children need to be able to voice spiritual doubt to their parents without a negative reaction. If college is the first time they feel safe to question their faith, they run a much greater risk of walking away from it altogether. Faith is not the absence of doubt. In fact, working through doubt is almost always necessary for developing faith. If we walk through that process with our kids, we can gently point them to Christ while sympathizing with their struggle.
4. Recognize Inevitable Hypocrisy – Nobody is perfect, Christians included. Our kids don’t expect it. However, if we don’t recognize those moments we mess up, and apologize to our children, then our kids will think there is a Christian expectation of perfection and thus assume hypocrisy. The church is only filled with hypocrites if the expectation is perfection. If we own our mistakes and recognize the inevitable hypocrisy of claiming Christ but still sinning, then we as parents can help develop a more realistic and grace-based expectation of Christianity into our kids.

Yes, you read the title correctly. For those of you who may not be familiar with the term frienemy, Urban Dictionary defines it as “someone who is a friend, but at times becomes your enemy.” If you have teenagers, use it in front of them and you will be guaranteed to impress them with how cool you are. Also, tell them you are Team Jacob…

As strange as it may sound, I’m so glad teenagers invented this word. It perfectly describes the relationship between parents and technology. Technology is our friend. It has connected us to the rest of the world in a way unimaginable 100 years ago. It enables us to stay in touch with family, even see them through things like Skype or FaceTime. Technology has opened up doors for sharing the gospel, developing believers, and strengthening church community. Technology is our friend.

But, at times, it’s also our enemy, especially when it comes to our kids. The Internet is an incredible research tool, but it is also easy access to hundreds of thousands of pornographic websites. Computers and cell phones are a great way for our children to connect with friends and family members, but they can also foster cyber bullying. When used in moderation, video games can be a lot of fun, but in excess can become addictions that breed laziness in our children.

The question is: What should we do with our frienemy? Technology is our friend, but it can also be our enemy. What is the best way to handle technology in our home?

What not to do:

• Ban it – Technology is dangerous, but it is not going anywhere. Banning technology in our homes would be like banning weapons in Boot Camp. It may make Boot Camp a bit safer, but it doesn’t prepare you for war. The home is the perfect place for your children to learn the friendly side of technology and how it can help them thrive in the technological world around them. The Internet is not going away. Banning technology is only going to make kids more susceptible to its danger once they’re out of the home and on their own.
• Do Nothing – Technology is incredibly helpful, but it is also dangerous. It would be wrong to give soldiers in boot camp a bunch of guns without any oversight, instruction, or restrictions. In the same way, giving our children unlimited access to technology without any oversight is a recipe for disaster. This stuff is dangerous if not used properly. To do nothing when it comes to technology in our homes is tantamount to inviting Satan into our living room and saying, “Make yourself comfortable.” We cannot afford to be naive.

What to do:

• Set Age Appropriate Boundaries. So much of the “enemy” side of technology can be avoided by well-thought through boundaries. If we are worried about our younger kids getting addicted to TV, then set aside a time during the day when they can watch it, and then turn it off the rest of the time. If we are worried how Internet access might tempt our teenager, then keep the computer in the living room instead of his bedroom. Boundaries will help children develop a healthy attitude towards technology while guarding against the traps of their immaturity.
• Model Appropriate Use. One of the best ways to handle the “frienemy” that is technology in our homes is by showing our kids appropriate ways to use it. Our children are watching us and how we use our cell phones, TV, and computers, so we have the opportunity to teach them by showing.
• Talk About the Potential Dangers. A conversation can go a long way. Ask your kids about temptations? Talk with them about what they think they can handle and be willing to point out blind spots they might have. Our children may be more natural with technology, but we still have them beat in experience and wisdom.

Technology doesn’t need to be a frienemy in our homes. By setting appropriate boundaries, modeling appropriate use, and talking about potential dangers, technology can become a huge asset in building strengthening our families in a postmodern world.

For more information about Technology and your Children see Dr. Kimmel’s post – Kids and Technology.  Be sure to also read a recent newsletter article and Little House on the Freeway (available in book and audio form).

It was a rainy day outside of Chancellorsville, Virginia. I had just turned thirteen. To my left across the train tracks was a non-descript 19^th century home where a man died 134 years before. The man’s name was Stonewall Jackson, and despite his being a general for the Confederacy, he was respected by all to be one of the best General’s America has ever produced.

My dad and I were in our car soaking wet. After having ran out to peer through the windows of the General’s final resting place, we now sat in the car with the rain pouring around us reading Jeff Shaara’s chapter on Jackson’s death. I was a Civil War buff growing up, so I had read about his death before. But this was different. This was a moment that someone writes into stories, and I was living it.

Every child is writing his or her story. The school they go to, the friends they have, the hobbies they maintain will all be a part of the legacy they leave. As parent’s, we have a role in writing their story. My dad could have brought me an article to read about the battle of Chancellorsville and Stonewall Jackson’s tragic fate, and I may have remembered the facts just fine. But instead he helped me live the history. Instead of the knowledge being the boring part that always gets glossed over, it became one of those moments in a movie you rewind and watch over and over again.

Our children’s generation is in need of a better story. Their generation is desperate for faith to be an adventure not a statement, for values to mean more than a catch phrase, and for education to be more than a series of books, tests and papers. I am no expert and this is merely a ventured guess, but I think one of the most glaring problems facing the youth of today when it comes to religion and Christian values is boredom.

Our kids are bored with the story we are helping them write. The religious interactions we provide are often times cliché, the means of learning trite, and the Bible we present has no more depth than the felt board Bible Studies presented in Sunday school. So how do we change? How can we help our children write a better story that will draw them closer to God’s heart? Here are a few things you as a parent can write into your child’s life to help cure the pervasive boredom of this generation.

1. Risky Adventures

One of the most important elements of a good story is the presence of risk. Indiana Jones would not be a good story if instead of finding treasure in the Amazon with stones rolling at him he just analyzed the treasures in the museum. This may seem counterintuitive to your role as a parent, but its important to allow some danger into the life of your child. I’m not suggesting you let your kids run around with knives. What I mean is that by protecting them from any and all scenarios through which they could get hurt, we are hurting them more by making their story boring, especially when it comes to faith.

When I was 17, I traveled to India for two weeks with a Missions organization by myself. People thought my parents were crazy for letting me go. There were risks in traveling, dangers in the area I was going, and the chance that things could go catastrophically wrong. But on that trip I learned about faith, human need, poverty, and courage in a way I had never learned before. I preached my first sermon in India and felt a call into ministry that helped dictate my life’s direction. As risky as that trip was for me, the greater risk would have been not going and missing out on an adventure that changed my life and deepened my faith. To write a better story for our kids, we need to encourage risky adventures.

2. Serve Together Consistently

The usual M. O. for spiritual training as a family is go to church together on Sundays, AWANA or Youth Group during the week, and maybe family Bible studies on Saturday morning. These are all good things, but I’m going to suggest these are not enough. As Christians, we can’t truly experience God’s passions unless we are consistently expending ourselves for the sake of others.

It’s great that our kids memorize Scripture, but if they don’t see how it is lived out in a way that costs something it will have a difficult time connecting. Volunteer once a month with an inner-city ministry together, go on a short term missions trip as a family, cook meals for refugees and immigrants in your cities, give up things you’re family wants to help hurting friends.  Consistently serving together as a family will help the Bible come alive to kids and enrich the spiritual story being written into their lives.

3. Seek out Opportunities to Experience Knowledge

My wife and I live in Dallas. As our son Kyler gets older, I could easily pull up a website or get a book teaching him about Kennedy’s assassination. We could probably find the Zapruder film online and watch that together. That would be sufficient, but it wouldn’t be best. It would be better for me to put him in the car, drive him twenty minutes to Dealy Plaza, and show him where it happened. Kyler could stand where Lee Harvey Oswald stood in the Book Depository Building and look onto the street at the two subtle stripes painted to commemorate where Kennedy was shot.

The same goes for faith. If we really want a child to learn, whether they are young or teenagers, we need to do everything we can to help them experience the truths we’re trying to teach. I may have remembered that Stonewall Jackson died in a little bungalow outside of Chancellorsville, but after the experience, it’s a fact I will never forget. A good story is full of experiences that shape character. As parents we have the privilege of building those unique experiences into our kids and healing the boredom brought on by the predictable serial novels of Christianity lulling our children to sleep.

In my first post, I discussed how to teach your kids values in a world of pluralism. As parents, we are facing very new and unique challenges as the world becomes increasingly more postmodern. Part of the challenge is that our kids are growing up in a culture we often don’t understand. The way we learned growing up isn’t necessarily the way they learn things. Our sympathies aren’t necessarily theirs.

Although we are speaking the same language, our words may often get lost in cultural translation. I know that if I were to sit down for dinner with my wife and ask her how her day was in English and her respond in Arabic, it would be difficult to communicate. The same can be true with our kids. As parents, we owe it to ourselves to do all that we can to learn the language of our kids, so, in this series, I am going to cover what I feel are three big aspects of the language of postmodern culture that we as parents should know to communicate well with our kids.

Here is the first point that we discussed in Part 1

1. “Because I Said So!” Really Won’t Work-

2. The Online World is a an Extension of their Social World-

3. Heightened Sensitivity to Minority Groups

 I personally can’t stand reality TV. I think the walls of hell will be covered with screens playing re-runs of Real Housewives of Atlanta and Sister Wives. But that’s just me. Despite my entertainment preferences, the rise of reality TV is a great example of an important trend in postmodern culture. Granted, a lot of reality TV is just another manifestation of an oversexed entertainment industry catering to an oversexed culture that has existed since forever. However, with the rise of shows like Sister Wives, Pawn Stars, Little People Big World, and Dirty Jobs, the voices that were once silent in pop culture now have both a voice and a platform.

The postmodern generation, because of the oppressive tendencies of those in power in previous years, has in many ways gone to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum in elevating the oppressed and misunderstood minority. Many of the Reality TV shows on air today are great examples of this. Implied in these shows is the message that we need to not only see the different approach to life these people may have, but also respect it.

So what does this mean for us as parents? Our children are surrounded by a culture with a hyper-sensitivity to minority groups. This sensitivity doesn’t only extend to issues like race, but to sexuality issues, environmental issues, and political issues. Although this sensitivity can be taken too far and there is a definite balance that we as parents need to help maintain, thistendency is good news.

When your kids come home from school wanting to recycle more or help raise funds to save endangered seals in Alaska, don’t immediately call them a “Tree-hugging Liberal”, and schedule an impromptu hunting trip. Recognize the compassion growing in them. When our kids come home wanting to invite their friend with two dads over so they can be friends and better understand them, don’t immediately enroll them in a monastery or convent. Recognize the compassion growing in them.

The sensitivity to minorities might be driven by humanistic and self-serving impulses in our culture, but they can be driven by Christ in our kids. It was Jesus who gave a voice to the blind men, the lepers, the prostitutes and demon possessed. When our kids show compassion towards the marginalized, even with environmental issues, we can show them that they are following the example of Jesus. By doing so, not only do we take advantage of great opportunities to teach our children about Jesus, but we also participate in redeeming a postmodern world for Jesus!

In my last post, I discussed how to teach your kids values in a world of pluralism. As parents, we are facing very new and unique challenges as the world becomes increasingly more postmodern. Part of the challenge is that our kids are growing up in a culture we often don’t understand. The way we learned growing up isn’t necessarily the way they learn things. Our sympathies aren’t necessarily theirs.

Although we are speaking the same language, our words may often get lost in cultural translation. I know that if I were to sit down for dinner with my wife and ask her how her day was in English and her respond in Arabic, it would be difficult to communicate. The same can be true with our kids. As parents, we owe it to ourselves to do all that we can to learn the language of our kids, so, in this series, I am going to cover what I feel are three big aspects of the language of postmodern culture that we as parents should know to communicate well with our kids.

Here is the first point that we discussed in Part 1

1. “Because I Said So!” Really Won’t Work-

2. The Online World is a an Extension of their Social World

 This might seem like a statement by Captain Obvious, but technology is now an integral part of culture. Unless you’re Amish, (in which case you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog), the online world probably plays some role in your everyday life. The rise of technology and the pervasive use isn’t necessarily the result of postmodernism, but the way it’s used now, especially by our kids, is certainly a reflection of postmodern culture.

The way we as parents use the Internet is probably radically different from the way our children use it. It’s the difference between Google and Facebook. The older generation (us) is best described as the Google generation. When we use the Internet, we are generally seeking information. We type whatever we want to find out into Google, and then we get the answers. Our kids are better described as the Facebook generation. When our kids go online, they are generally seeking interaction. If they want to know something, instead of typing it into Google, they will log on to Facebook and ask a friend.

I was first struck by this difference while working as a youth worship pastor. I was born into a generation that straddles the fence between the two mindsets. Both Google and Facebook achieved prominence during my college days, but the way I use both is right in between the above distinctions. Needless to say, as I started getting friend requests from the high school kids in the youth group, I quickly began to see my news feed flooded with the emotional and relational drama of these kids. I remember multiple times sitting on the couch with my wife, laptop in front of me, shocked by the kind of stuff these kids would write on Facebook, and the drama they would let play out publicly for all their online sphere to see.

Although we as parents may not understand it, we cannot underestimate the social role online communications play in our children’s lives. The Internet is not merely a research tool to our children, it is a legitimate extension of their social world. We might think its silly that our daughter gets her feelings hurt by something said on Facebook, or that our son has a falling out with a friend because of being de-friended. But if we treat these instances as trite or as pointless things that happen online and not in the real world, then we will only add insult to injury to our child’s already fragile confidence.

We need to first be sensitive to the role of online interaction to our kids, and then be proactive about encouraging our kids to use those interactions to love their friends well. Cyber bullying is an awful new reality in a postmodern, online world. Wouldn’t it be great if cyber-encouraging became so pervasive as to overtake it?

****Tune in for part 3 of this series in  July****

So please tell us, have you seen this to be true in your own family? How have you dealt with it? Do you feel your response was effective?

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Postmodern Parent | Cody Kimmel. I am a husband, father, pastor, songster, writer, and most importantly, believer in the one true Messiah, Jesus Christ. I write a blog athttp://codykimmel.wordpress.com.

In my last post, I discussed how to teach your kids values in a world of pluralism. As parents, we are facing very new and unique challenges as the world becomes increasingly more postmodern. Part of the challenge is that our kids are growing up in a culture we often don’t understand. The way we learned growing up isn’t necessarily the way they learn things. Our sympathies aren’t necessarily theirs.

Although we are speaking the same language, our words may often get lost in cultural translation. I know that if I were to sit down for dinner with my wife and ask her how her day was in English and her respond in Arabic, it would be difficult to communicate. The same can be true with our kids. As parents, we owe it to ourselves to do all that we can to learn the language of our kids, so, in this series, I am going to cover what I feel are three big aspects of the language of postmodern culture that we as parents should know to communicate well with our kids.

1. “Because I Said So!” Really Won’t Work-

I know this title might seem like a no brainer. As many parents find out early on, children are born with a mind of their own and it doesn’t take long for them to stubbornly reject our counsel. However, with this new cultural shift our children’s stubbornness might not be the only reason they reject our “because-I-said-so” explanations for why they should do things.

Postmodernism can be defined many different ways depending on the context, however one of the constants is the suspicion of the “because-I-said-so” explanations.  This new culture is one existing in the shadow of two world wars, genocides and oppression, and an overall abuse of power in every sphere of cultural life. Because of this, the postmodern generation is suspicious of authority. They are suspicious of people who say they need to believe something just because they say it’s true. This new paradigm of suspicion poses an interesting challenge for parents.

We now live in a culture that does not support parent’s authority. If the people in charge are under suspicion in a postmodern world, parents often become public enemy #1 in the eyes of their children. So what are we supposed to do? Do we just surrender and let our kids disobey and question without any reaction?

Fortunately, there is a way to communicate in an authoritative way to a postmodern culture! The postmodern generation doesn’t reject authority because they flat out hate it (although it might seem that way to parents sometimes), they suspect authority because they don’t trust it. Now more than ever, it is essential for us as parents to earn the right to be heard by our children. Our culture doesn’t afford us this right by our position only. If we want them to listen to what we have to say, especially about religion and ethics, we need to show them that it works. We need to communicate with them through an atmosphere of grace and integrity. If our children trust our authority in their lives, they will be far more inclined to listen to us.

****Tune in for parts 2 and 3 of this series in June and July****

So please tell us, have you seen this to be true in your own family? How have you dealt with it? Do you feel your response was effective?

The issue of pluralism has once again been brought into the forefront of culture by one of the West’s great philosophers and theologians. I of course am talking about Lady Gaga and her hit, “Born This Way.” Unless you literally live in a steel-enforced barn isolated from all TV and Radio airwaves, this song at some point has probably affronted your ears in the last few weeks.

Although I could probably write an entire post on the tragedy of pop music that is Lady Gaga, I will refrain and actually give her some credit. In her latest song, she has somehow managed to summarize one of the most unique outcomes of the shift in our culture into postmodernism. The beginning of the chorus says, “I’m beautiful in my way/ ‘Cause God makes no mistakes/ I’m on the right track baby/ I was born this way.”

Without getting too detailed, the rise of postmodernism is best described as the suspicion and rejection of big and exclusive value systems to explain life and inform how we live. As a result, pluralism is becoming the new norm. Our children are being raised in a culture that tells them there is not just one valid way to live. There is no such thing as absolute right and absolute wrong. As Lady Gaga so eloquently puts it, everyone is “on the right track” because that is the way they are born.

For a Christian parent, this can be a very frightening reality. I want my son to grow up and be able to make decisions that honor God. I want him to not be driven by his own sinful instincts and justify them by saying he can do whatever he wants. I want him to know that there is right and wrong regardless of whether or not it is affirmed by the culture.

Parents are responding to this new reality in different ways.

1. Insulation and Escape – Many parents retreat in the face of postmodern pluralism. If the public schools are pluralistic, then we put our kids in Christian schools or, if we’re really hardcore, home-school them. If movies or TV are promoting pluralism, then we just don’t let our kids watch either.

2. Attack and Demonize ­– Some parents see the threat and take it as a call to arms. We get our modern pitchforks out and picket the schools, the courthouse, the library and even the local K-mart. We hope that our zeal and fervor against the rise of pluralism will convince and possibly bully our children into rejecting a pluralistic worldview.

3. Ignore It – Other parents see the wave of pluralism coming up the shoreline to overwhelm our kids, and we just ignore it. We hope that if we don’t say anything, go to church, and go about our business, then somehow our children won’t get caught in the undertow.

4. Embrace it – A few parents see the rise of pluralism as a good thing and they embrace it hook, line and sinker. We constantly affirm our kids, regardless of their choices. We accept and allow unfiltered entertainment and hope that if kids are merely exposed to all the different perspectives in the world, somehow the Christian one will win out.

I want to tell you something from a new parent who was raised in a postmodern context and has seen each of these strategies played out in my friend’s lives. None of them will work.

As much as we’d like to hope, there is no escape from the voice of pluralism in this world for our kids, and even if we manage to protect our kids from it their whole lives as children, they will eventually be exposed to it as adults and won’t know how to deal with it.

One of the reasons pluralism became so popular is because people grew tired of the marginalizing attacks on people by those who claimed to “have the truth.” Attacking pluralism without dialoguing and understanding it will only push our children closer to espousing it.

Ignoring it will lose because there are too many advocates for pluralism to deny.

Embracing it and hoping for the best will only help our kids in embracing pluralism and rejecting Christ.

I want to offer a different solution. There is a myth about pluralism that just because there are multiple worldviews and value systems one can embrace that each perspective has the same weight. This is a misunderstanding of postmodern culture. Although there may be multiple belief systems our children can embrace, it doesn’t mean they will accept and respect all equally. They will eventually pick one. So here is the response I want to propose:

Show them that it works!

If we want our kids to value wisdom in a pluralistic culture, then we need to live wisely. If we want to teach our kids that loving one spouse for life is the way that marriage should be, then we need to prove it by our marriage. If we want our kids to be generous, compassionate, biblically grounded, joyful, then we must show them all of these things in our own life. If we want our sons and daughters to know and follow Christ, then we must do the same and do so joyfully.

Christianity does work. This is the hope that I have and the reason I am not afraid of post-modernism as a parent. As the saying goes, “the proof is in the pudding.” So let’s show our kids that, although there are other values they could hold and choose, none of them are more rewarding, more joyful, more fulfilling, and more beautiful than a life centered around Christ.