Blog  /  Parenting, Special Needs  /  It’s Not HOW I Do it but WHY

Parenthood, Special Needs, Grace based parenting, Family matters, Cindi Ferrini


Wouldn’t you love to know how many times you and I have been asked, “HOW do you do it?” I love the proverbial, “If I had a dime for every time I was asked that question, I’d be rich!” as one possible answer to that.


When asked “How do you do it?” I used to say:


  • Oh, the Lord gives me strength, just when I need it.
  • We all learn to do what we’ve been called to do.
  • You do what ya gotta do.
  • Who else is going to do it? (Ok, that has a little attitude attached, can you relate?)


I’ve started to answer a little differently than I had because those answers really don’t answer what I truly mean.


I recognize that when doing certain things, I must simply get in the mode of what I need to do and just get it done….things (past and present) like:


  • Changing a messy diaper on an older child not yet potty trained
  • Cleaning another mess my child made because they didn’t know any better
  • Holding my child for days on end when seizures aren’t stopping
  • Dealing with his grown up anger or other quirky habits
  • Trying to overlook things that drive me nuts (attitude, sorry) like shuffling his feet across the tile floor (I know, I AM thankful he walks!)
  • Wondering if he’ll ever learn or “get” things I’m saying, or want him to learn
  • Nightly (and daily) homework and therapies….over and over and over and over…
  • Helping him learn to interact with his peers, siblings, others, us….politely (yes, this is ongoing!)


But what I’ve learned in this ongoing process since 1981 is this: I love him. I will do anything for, with, and because of him. I don’t always like it; but I always love him. And because of that, when I feel like I don’t get out like I wish I could, or I’ve missed another opportunity to meet with friends or dinner out with couples, or I can’t take a trip I’ve longed to take, I realize that I really do have something far more important, and that is a sense of responsibility to my son because of my love for him.


It’s not how I do it, but why…and it’s worth it!



Joe and Cindi Ferrini

Joe and Cindi have been married since 1979, live in Cleveland, OH, have 3 grown children (one with special needs), grandchildren, and enjoy speaking and writing together on topics related to marriage and family (FAMILYLIFE’S “WEEKEND TO REMEMBER Get-A-Ways” as well as for organizations pertaining to special needs), leadership, and time/life management. Joe has practiced dentistry since 1978; Cindi enjoys writing (books, blogs, articles, etc.), speaking, radio, and social media. Together they have written articles and blogs for Focus on the Family, FamilyLife, and here at FamilyMatters, and authored UNEXPECTED JOURNEY: When Special Needs Change our Course. They’d love to connect with you at: or



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