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I'm Still Learning, Family Matters, Dr. Tim Kimmel, Grace Filled Marriage, Grace Based Parenting, Marriage, Love


I have been married for over 13 years.  You’d think I’d have this whole “wife” thing down by now.


Last year I thought I had this down; I thought I knew everything there was to know about marriage, love, and also about my husband.  I thought we had a great life together, I thought I couldn’t love him any more, I thought we had it all.


Well, I was wrong.


After reading “Grace Filled Marriage” by Dr. Tim Kimmel I realized just how wrong I was and how much I was missing out on.


I was missing opportunities to grow closer to my husband and best friend. I was missing opportunities to show grace to my soul mate.  I was missing the bigger picture.  And I could tell you exactly how and why.


You know those ‘lenses’ that Tim is always talking about?  The ME lens, the LOVE IF lens, the PIOUS lens; well, I was wearing contacts, bi-focals, sunglasses and a visor of ‘lenses’ that were keeping me from truly seeing my husband the way that God wanted me to view him.  Don’t get me wrong, I have loved my husband since before our first kiss.  I have fallen in love with him numerous times.  However, if you do not have grace as a forefront vision in your marriage – you’re definitely missing the bigger picture of what love is and can be.


After attending the Grace Filled Marriage conference this past weekend, I realized that I was also poisoning our marriage without even trying.  Even if I was able to see my husband through the GRACE lens, I still needed to view myself in such a way. By bringing my own insecurities and fear into our relationship, I was placing a brick wall between his heart and mine.


I constantly deal with my depression, low self esteem and a tainted view of how I am ‘supposed’ to be. I have been trying to fight this fight on my own, trying not to burden him with any of my issues, but what I have actually been doing is laying down the foundation of this brick wall since day one. Day by day, brick by brick, I have been creating the problem by trying to ‘be a good wife’.

Be a good cook, be a good housekeeper, be a good mom, be a good daughter (and daughter-in-law), be in a good mood, be good, good, good.


And honestly, if you asked my husband if he would prefer a good wife or a real wife…he’d choose the latter. So…


After removing those blindfolds from my eyes and my heart – I feel FREE.

After knocking down some of those bricks – I feel CLOSER.


God wants us to be closer than ever, to be free with each other, to love one another the way He loves us.


I’m still learning – and that is not just good, that is awesome.


{Originally published in 2014}


If you want to keep learning, please pick up a copy of Grace Filled Marriage today. No joke, it will change you. I also encourage any and all couples {from newly engaged to celebrating 50 years together} to attend a Grace Filled Marriage conference; going together and experiencing this message together is such a tender moment for everyone involved.



Jenny is a wife, mother, graphic designer and a beginning blogger. She can usually be found at a baseball game, a PTA meeting, in her back yard speaking sweetly to her baby garden or cuddled up (til the wee hours of the morning) reading her favorite books. Jenny is the Social Media Support at Family Matters where she hoots & tweets her heart out.



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